Being Pansexual

93. i love you and i miss you

I don't think I've felt this heavy feeling on my heart since...
I don't think I've missed you this much since...
I guess since I was the one who went away, almost exactly two years ago.
You're on holiday. I'm probably, no definitely, being ridiculous. But... I can't help it. I miss you.
Like I missed you last time.
And although, in the grand scheme of things, it's not a terribly long time and if I take a step back and think about it, I shouldn't be worrying or missing you much at all.
And if I think about it, I know you wouldn't want me to. You're off, having an amazing time- which is only fair, you deserve so much longer away having an amazing time.
But my selfish heart just wants you back here with me. My selfish arms just want to hold you again.
It just hit me how far away you are, how angry and saddened and all over the place I really feel about this. I only just allowed myself to feel it all.
It just feels like... my heart is longing for you.
For you to be in front of my eyes. For a tight hug from you. For even a kiss. Or more.
I miss you so much- and those five words don't even seem to encapsulate everything that I mean by them.
I don't think I know the words to truly say what I'm desperately attempting.
But know: I love you so much. There's only so much time I can spend busying myself with activities and hanging out with everyone I possibly could. Because then, when I finally get a break, my mind always drifts to you. I miss you and I don't quite know how to say it. I miss you and I don't want to bother you.
I love you and I miss you and I don't know how else to say that, other than that plain and simple.
❤️