Being Pansexual

70. One day

One day I'll tell you the exact story of how I fell in love with you and how I came to tell you of it.
It's a long story, that was so difficult and confusing to go through in its entirety.

One day I'll tell you of how I had this feeling from long before the day you told me how you felt. And how I fell in love with everything that you were. The way you moved, the way you spoke. To me, everything that you touched turned golden. I was completely entranced with you from day one. I think I was drawn to you, how strong and bold, yet timid and scared, you were.

One day I'll tell you how afraid I was on the day you told me how you felt. How confused and scared that I was. I was running from it all that time and you saying those words really made all clear to me. To me, it seemed that I had to face facts and finally discover what this underlying thing was. And that terrified me at the time. I was young and ignorant and it had barely even crossed my mind that I could love a girl, let alone that girl was you.

One day I'll tell you how, although I declined and depressed you, that declaration you made turned on a light inside my brain. I could suddenly see into this corner that had been in the darkness for so long. That that day confused, terrified and excited me. I began to discover it for myself.

One day I'll tell you how, from that day onwards, I was so entirely for you. That I lived and breathed for you. Forget how entranced I was before, suddenly I was obsessed, I was devoted to you and only you. I forgot what it was like to breathe without you in my mind, in my heart.

One day I'll tell you why I didn't tell you for so long. How I was so entirely for you, that I was terrified of my dreams being taken away. You were my dreams. I lived, breathed, dreamt, thought of you, for you. When I had any kind of space inside my mind, it was immediately filled with you.

One day I'll explain to you just why the thought of losing you terrified me. At that point you were virtually everything, so much so that, if you were completely taken away, if my dreams of being with you, were taken away, I would have nothing. Because what was my future if not you?

One day I'll explain what happened when I was away on exchange that made me realise I had to tell you. How I grew as a person from being so far away from you. My thoughts were of you, constantly, but you didn't slip into everything else. It was like I became my own person, and you became your own person in my mind. Being so far away told me just how hard it was to live without you. And I didn't want to do it again. I knew I had to tell you, I had to get you all to myself.

One day I'll tell you the whole story, the whole truth, of everything from beginning to end.
Of my love for you. And everything that came with it.
But for now, today is not that day.