Last Hope (Completed)

Chapter 25

"Ate, balik ka na muna sa kwarto mo, I can take care of everything here," Russell said to Sarah who was falling asleep right by Remy's shoulder. "Okay lang naman ako, Russ," Sarah replied. She didn't want to leave Remy behind. "Russell," she said without taking her eyes off of Remy. Russell looked up at her. He couldn't believe that he was sitting right in front of the woman he used to see Remy watch on T.V. all the time. "Salamat," Sarah said as she looked at him. "Ate, hindi ba dapat ako yung mag-sabi nun sayo?" He asked. Sarah shook his head. "Wala kang dapat ipagpasalamat sakin, Russell," she said. Then she turned her gaze towards Remy who was sleeping soundly on her hospital bed. "Marami, ate," he told her. Sarah looked at him again. "I can go on and on all day sa lahat ng mga kelangan at gusto ko ipag-pasalamat sayo especially for what you've done and helped ate Remy with on the island. But more than that, I wanted to thank you because ate lived because of you," he said to her. His heart started aching again. "I think kung wala ka to entertain her, to keep her mind off of things, to motivate her, I think she would have left already," he explained. "And by left, hindi lang yung umalis ng bahay, ate. Ate, she would have committed suicide if not for you," he said. Then tears poured out from his eyes. He wiped all of them away quickly. "Masaya sya sayo eh. I don't know what it is about you that just brightens up her day the moment she sees you. Yung kapag iiyak sya, I would just break into a 'Sarah Geronimo' dance and she'll stop crying na. She was so emotionally invested in you. Basta alam ko pinasaya mo sya when none of us can. You have no idea how much that means to me, and we have no idea how much that really means to her. She said it herself, you were her last hope. I wonder how that feels like, na masabihan na ikaw yung last hope nila," Russell said. His words cut deep into Sarah's soul. She was crying the whole time. She pouted as she looked at Remy. All she wanted for her was to be safe and back to her healthy self. She wanted more time with her, and it made her heart ache to feel that Remy's time has come. She took a deep breath then she looked at Russell. "Alam mo, sabi ko sa kanya, wala pa atang nagpa-iyak sakin gaya ng pagpapa-iyak na ginawa nya sakin dun pa lang sa isla. Marami syang nasabi sakin na talagang, ewan ko Russell eh, yung talagang para akong sinaksak, alam mo yun? Yung hindi naman sya mapanakit na salita pero talagang kinailangan ko umiyak kasi kung hindi ko ilalabas feeling ko mababaliw ako? Yung ate mo, magaling sya sa words nya. Hindi ko alam kung ilang beses ako na-touch sa mga salitang binibitawan nya eh. Yung touched yung damdamin mo pero at the same time may kirot? Ramdam na ramdam ko kasi lahat ng sinasabi nya tungkol sakin, lahat ng lumalabas sa bibig nya, ramdam ko galing sa puso nya. May kirot Russell eh, hindi ko ma-isip kung ano ba yun, pero talagang ilang beses ako pinaiyak ng ate mo sa mga sinabi nya sakin. Ang sarap kasi mag-mahal ni Remy, Russ, sobra," Sarah explained then she put her hand on her mouth to stop herself from sobbing. Russell looked away. He was crying now, too. "Sorry ha," Sarah tried to say, but her voice cracked from trying not to cry even more. "Sorry kasi hindi ko talaga ma-isip pano sya natiis ng mommy't daddy nyo pati ng kapatid mo, buti na lang andyan ka," she said as she sobbed quietly. "Sinayang nila yung mga oras na sana naramdaman nila kung gano kasarap mag-mahal si Remy. Sana naramdaman nila kung gano kasarap mag-alaga yung anak nila. Pero hindi eh. Hindi yun ang ginawa nila. Hinawakan nila yung galit nila. Nagpadala sila sa emosyon nila na nakalimutan nila na anak din naman nila si Remy. Alam mo ano dun yung nananakit sakin ng sobra, Russ? Alam mo ano yung dumudurog sa puso ko ng paulit ulit?" She asked while she frowned and cried at the same time. "Dahil sa ginawa ng pamilya mo sa ate mo, dahil sa ginawa nilang pagsisi sa kanya, nakalimutan ni Remy pano mag-tira ng pagmamahal para sa sarili nya," she said. Then she bowed her head down and sobbed. Russell did, too. "Yung ang dami daming pagmamahal sa batang yan pero ni-isa wala para sa sarili nya," she added. Her tears fell on Remy's hand as she held her. "Dahil sa galit ng pamilya mo sa kanya, pati sya nagalit sa sarili nya, Russ. To the point na hindi na nya kaya patawarin sarili nya. Kita mo oh. Kita mo ngayon. Kung may natitira pa sanang self-love yung ate mo, edi sana ipaglalaban pa nya sarili nya. Lalabanan pa sana nya tong sakit nya. Pero wala eh. Convinced na convinced na sya na mas okay na wala sya, na mas okay pag patay na sya, na wala ng burden sa atin, na wala ng pabigat, na mas giginhawa buhay nating lahat pag wala na sya. Eh parang gusto na nya nga mamatay, Russ eh. Gusto na nya mamatay kasi gusto na nya pagaanin buhay nating lahat. Yun. Yun ang dumudurog sakin ngayon. Ang sakit sakit. Sobra. Kasi ako gusto ko pa, gustong gusto ko pa sya makasama, Russ," she said almost in a whine. "Gusto ko pa makasama ate mo, Russ. Kulang na kulang pa. Kulang na kulang pa yung oras namin sa isla. Marami pa akong gusto iparamdam sa kanya, ipa-experience, maraming marami pa. Pero suko na sya. Kahit anong sabihin natin, kahit ikaw oh. Ayaw ka nyang pakinggan, kasi nga sa isip nya, mas okay na wala sya. Ayaw na nyang makinig sating lahat. Desididong desidido na syang magpa-talo sa sakit nya. Russ, alam mo feeling ko, namatay na rin yung ate mo nung araw na naaksidente kayo," she said. Russell covered his mouth and bent his head down as he cried harder than he wanted to. Sarah immediately got up and rubbed his back. "Sorry, ha," she said. She continued to stare at Remy as she took a deep breath. When Russell finally got himself together, he wiped his face. "No need to apologize, ate. Yun din naman naisip ko about her noon pa lang. That's why I thanked you. I thanked you because the only time I saw life in her eyes is when she watches you. Buhay na buhay sya whenever she talks to me about you. She adores you and she loves you. She looks up to you. You really are her inspiration and her motivation," he said. Sarah gave him a gentle smile though her face was still wet with tears. "Sana ganun pa rin hanggang ngayon noh, Russ?" She said quietly while she looked at Remy. Then she swallowed. Russell also looked at his sister. "Ganun pa rin naman ata ngayon, ate eh," he said to her. Sarah smiled as another tear managed to come out from her eyes. "Hindi na Russell eh, hindi na. Kasi kung ganun pa rin hanggang ngayon edi sana naging inspiration at motivation nya rin ako para lumaban pa sya. Pero hindi na eh. Hindi na," she said as she shook her head and cried, "Kasi suko na sya."