Last Hope (Completed)

Author's Letter to the Readers

Eto nanaman po tayo, haha. Paka-drama ko palagi, kelangan may pa-ganito. To be honest, I don't feel right ending a story without a letter from me. I guess that's my thing. This is just me.

Hoy, ba't ang hirap haha. Napa-tweet na lang ako eh. Siguro sa lahat ng letters ko sa readers, eto yung pinaka-mahirap. Well, I've only written two hahaha. Mas informal pero mas personal nga lang toh kesa the last one. I don't know. Forgive me, guys. Ang hirap pala neto, no wonder I kept putting it off until later.

Remy, Remy, Remy.

Pano ba? Haha. Ironic diba? Someone who writes five to six thousand words per chapter is actually speechless right now. Para akong si Sarah dun sa tribute concert nya sa Epilogue. I've practiced this in my head as I prepared to write it. Actually, days ago ko pa inisip kung pano ko i-eend tong story na toh because this has been so personal, even my partner said nahirapan sya basahin because it truly hits home. Sobra.

Let me tell you guys na lang kung pano ba nabuo tong story na toh. But please bear with me, medyo mahaba and magulo.

Sinabay ko toh sa Turn the Page because I knew just how heavy that story was going to be, pero grabe, naging baliktad sya hahaha. Nung una kasi ang kulit ni Sarski and Remski eh. Sila yung parang pang-gamot ko sana sa mga pusong nasugatan at masusugatan pa ng Turn the Page, pero nagkabaliktad nga kasi. I don't know how that happened, and I don't know how I managed to do that haha basta yun ang nangyari. Naging mabigat tong story na toh for me kasi nga it was so personal, most of the time, nahihirapan talaga ako isulat toh.

For those of you that have read my very first story, Star & Twinkle, you guys already know what I struggle with. Yung mga readers na I talk to everyday now, you've experienced it firsthand (and I do apologize that you guys had to see it). Anyway, I struggle with anxiety and depression. I struggle with self-love. That's why Remy's character was born. And yes, Remy is based on me, but not my personal story. Dito pa lang sinasabi ko na guys, everything is FICTION. Her family, her love life, syempre the tragedy; they're all made up. Pero yung thoughts nya and emotions are MOSTLY based on me and what I feel and what I think and what I suffer and endure. Mostly ha, meaning not all. Which ones are the author's thoughts and feelings and emotions? Hindi ko na iisa-isahin pa, but I think you get my point already haha. Pero lahat ng admiration nya kay Sarah G? That's all me, haha. Everything that she told Sarah na she feels about her, is what I feel about the one and only Popstar Royalty. I mean, lahat naman siguro tayo, diba? Kaya nga relate mostly yung mga fans nya dito sa story eh. Trust me, I'd love to get stuck on an island with Sarah G. too. I think we all do.

So pano nga ba nabuo si Remy? Haha. It's one of my nicknames given to me by one of my close friends in high school. "Remmi" yung spelling nya but I changed it for the story. I thought the name was perfect because I've seen a guy that was named Remy din, so I thought it could be used for a guy and a girl, para relate lahat. I wasn't going to admit to all of you na Remy was based on me, kasi gusto ko sana ma-imagine nyo mga sarili nyo sa kanya. But I think there's a Remy in all of us. That Remy na pagod na pagod na yet lumalaban pa rin. Yung Remy na pinapakitang masaya sya pero may tinatagong lungkot sa loob-looban nila. I think that's who Remy represents in all of us. Yung Remy na hirap na hirap na, pero umaasa pa rin for that "Last Hope" na somewhere down the road, everything will work out for the best. Yung Remy na nagsa-struggle pero is trying her best everyday. Yung Remy na fears about the future, but chooses to keep going. Yung Remy na weak yung faith but is doing what she can to find herself in the Lord. That's all Remy is in me, and I know that's all Remy is representing in many of you, too.

Like I said, Remy is based on me pero yung personal story nya is all made up. At dahil dun, mas na-appreciate ko yung kung anong meron ako. Una sa lahat yung pamilya ko. I know at first, hindi nila naintindihan what I was going through. Confusing nga din naman even for me. They struggled to understand kung ano ba tong nararamdaman ko. I did, too. Pero my family is far from Remy's family. Dahil sa story na-appreciate ko yung mom, dad and ate na meron ako. Na kahit ang hirap intindihin nitong mga nararamdaman ko, they were patient. They gave me space and room to breathe kahit papano. They tried to adjust sa akin and sa mga needs ko. Grabe din yung patience nila sakin. Mom, dad, ate, thank you. I know it's not easy raising a kid like me. I know it's not easy to see me go through this. I know it's not easy to understand what I'm going through, but I appreciate your efforts and your support. I appreciate the encouragement you guys give me. Thank you. I love you, guys.

At dun naman sa pasaway na boyfriend ni Remy, ang layo din nya sa real-life partner ng otor otoran nyo haha. Love, thank you. Ikaw naging sandalan ko kahit na alam ko nahihirapan ka na din. Thank you sa haba ng pasensya mo sakin. Thank you sa understanding mo. Thank you for being my number one support system and my number one reader dito sa mga story ko. Alam ko ikaw nahirapan the most sa pagbabasa ng story na toh because you know what I struggle with. Thank you kasi hindi ka nang-iwan sa lahat ng toh. Thank you sa love, concern at pag-aalaga mo. I love you.

As for Remy's friends, I guess I can say na ganun din nangyari sakin. Because of what I struggle with, nag-withdraw ako from them. But thank you loves kasi every time we get together, it feels like nothing has changed. This year lang din ako nakapag-sabi sa inyo about what I'm dealing with, salamat sa suporta. Pare-parehas lang pala tayo, lahat tayo tinago toh sa isa't isa, pero laban lang. I'm here for all of you the way you guys are here for me, too. Love you guys. Miss you all.

Twitter friends, kilala nyo na kung sino kayo, I love you guys. Salamat sa friendship. I do want to mention two of you, Rio, ate Pau, salamat. Alam nyo na yun kung para saan. If not, sige DM nyo lang ako haha. I love you both, alam nyo yan kahit topakin ako mahal ko kayo pareho. Alagaan nyo isa't isa. Bleh haha.

To my readers, grabe yung suporta nyo. Salamat. Minsan I'd be driving tapos naiisip ko kayo, walang biro I would start crying haha. Part of the struggle of self-love is accepting the compliments, and ang hirap minsan i-grasp eh. Nakaka-overwhelm sobra. Pero salamat talaga. I wouldn't be where I am sa pag-susulat ko if not for you guys. Thank you sa mga nagre-recommend ng story ko sa mga friends and family nila. Salamat talaga, guys. Thank you sa feedback. Thank you sa nice words na nakaka-taba naman talaga ng puso. You guys help me keep doing what I love to do. Salamat sa inyong lahat.

And ate Sarah, eto nanaman tayo. Nakaka-iyak naman pag ikaw kausap ko oh. I wish you'd read the story. Nasabi na kasi ni Remy lahat ng gusto ko sabihin eh. I'm thankful for you and the life na shinare mo saming lahat. Marami pakong gusto sabihin. I guess that's why the story went the way it did kasi gusto kitang ma-solo sa isang island para masabi ko lahat ng nasabi na ni Remy sayo sa story. I still pray that I could get an opportunity to sit down and talk with you and thank you for everything that you have done in my life. Wala naman imposible kay Lord diba? I love you, ate. Mahal na mahal kita, mahal na mahal ka namin. Sabi nga ni Remy. "I've loved you long before you knew I existed."

Parang all over the place tong letter to the readers ko haha, but it's okay. Wala talaga ako sa uliro at the moment.

Sapat na sakin na alam nyo how much this story means to me. I wrote this all for the love of Sarah G. Sana mabasa nya someday. Sana malaman nya na what Remy said to her, I meant every single one of them (except yung part na pinalayas nya sya sa hospital room diba hahaha).

And I also wrote this for every Remy out there who is struggling with self-love. I know you guys are tired, pero laban lang. It's not easy, pero sino ba may sabi na madali? Pray lang ng pray. I cannot stress enough how much a simple talk with God helps with this everyday struggle. Learn to be thankful. Open your eyes. There's actually people who care about you. Learn to accept their love. I'm still learning. Hindi lahat ng araw perfect. Mahirap parati, pero kakayanin. Kakayanin kasi I know someday we'll all have that last hope and everything else will fall into it's rightful place. Sabi nga sa song na Rainbow sa Epilogue, "There's always been a RAINBOW hanging over your head."

I love you, guys. Salamat sa pag-sama sa journey ni Sarski and Remski. Sorry kung magulo yung letter na toh haha, sabi sa inyo eh napaka-informal pero ilalaban pa rin natin. I love you, all!

Love,

Remmi