It Took The Death of Hope

Chapter 1 - Shock!

Des Moines, Iowa;

The Following Day;

Corey Taylor...

Staring at the outside of the hospital, I don't know if I can actually go inside. I had failed Paul and now it feels like I have failed Ash too. Why the fuck hadn't I checked in with her? I am not sure that I could ever forgive myself for this.

Deep down I know that there had been no way to have known that this was going to happen, but my head just won't stop thinking about how once again I have failed. Somehow, I felt like I should have been with Paul; I should have been there to save him, to stop him from going over that ledge but would I really have been able to stop him? I know first-hand how tight that grip of drugs and the chasing of a high, can be - there had been nothing that could stop me when I had been caught up in it. Rationally I know there is nothing that I could have done and most days, the rational mind is in control.

Today however - well honestly, since yesterday I had been firmly swept up in the irrational mind. I had let another Gray down and the guilt was chewing at my insides like a rabid dog.

'It's now or never, Taylor!' my mind told me.

Taking one step at a time, I was walking through the hospital doors before I was truly prepared for it, but nothing was stopping me now as I headed to the floor that my sister had given me directions to.

I truly hate hospitals. The smell. The sad faces. The heat that never seemed cool no matter where you were. The sheer busyness of the place. It just never stopped. By the time I made it to the correct floor and stopped in front of the nurse's station - I was feeling a bit more clear headed.

"Can I help you?" the nurse behind the desk smiled at me.

"Yes, I...I uhm got a call yesterday about my friend, Ashlee Gray, she uhm..."

"Mr. Taylor?"

"Yes," I nodded thankful to her from saving me from the stumbling that had taken over.

"If you give me 5 minutes to track the nurse down, she wanted to talk to you about Miss. Gray's condition," she informed me quickly sending a message through the tablet device that was in front of her, a few seconds later and she looks back to me, "she is on her way now!"

"Thank you," stuffing my hands into the pockets of my jeans, I stood staring at a small bulletin board that had all sorts of pamphlets on various illnesses.

It never failed to strike me how cold and impersonal hospitals were. I mean I know that they aren't meant to be exciting but surely to fucking God they could use brighter colours on the walls, or something.

"Mr. Taylor?" a small woman who appeared to be in her mid 50's approached me carrying a clipboard.

"Yes," shaking her offered hand, she steered me to a small room off the main floor corridor, and once inside I could see that it was nothing more than a consultation room.

"Please take a seat," she offered as she moved behind the desk. Nodding I sat down and watched as she flipped through the clipboard, "now as I told you on the phone, Miss. Gray..."

"We call her Ash!" I stated. Calling her Miss. Gray seemed too formal and somehow, I didn't like the thought of that.

"Ok Ash, has extensive injuries. The most concerning is the head injury - the swelling is what is causing concern and that was the main reason that we made the decision to place her in a medically induced coma - we are looking to bring her around towards the middle of next week,"