It Took The Death of Hope

Chapter 3 - Why Can't I Remember?

A Couple of Hours Later;

Ashlee Gray...

I can't remember what happened. I can remember coming home from work, a long shift that should have had me home by 6am but instead had overrun when we couldn't get some of the customers to leave so it had been much closer to 8am before I walked in the front door of my house.

Cole was beyond livid and wouldn't listen to my reasoning, instead he insisted on accusing me of being with someone else.

We had argued for hours, and Cole just wouldn't let it go. We had been going at it - I remember him throwing a glass of Scotch at me and it missed my head by mere inches; smashing against the wall and I remember asking him if he had lost his fucking mind then everything goes black. And the next thing I remember is Corey's voice piercing the void.

"You ok honey?" Sid asked for the tenth time.

"Yes dude," I laughed, "I'm fine but..."

"What? What is it? Should I go get the doctor?" he panicked wildly.

"No, I was just going to say...I can't reach my glass of water,"

"Oh..." grabbing the small tumbler of water that I was permitted to drink and handed it to me, "here you go!"

"Thank you," smiling as I took small sips as instructed by the nurse.

Had Cole really been the one to do this to me? Why can't I remember?

I have tried focusing so hard that my head is hurting. I have tried replaying the entire exchange out in my head in the hopes that it would somehow flow with the other memories. But nothing has worked.

Cole had been furious and beyond reason by the time I got home. I know that I hadn't made it better by telling him that he was stupid for thinking those awful things about me. However, what was I supposed to do? Just let him stand there and accuse me so viciously of things that I would never do?

Despite his recent slide into paranoia, I love the man. Or do I mean I loved him? Because right now, if he really was the one who had done this to me - I couldn't, hell I wouldn't go back. Ever. I am beginning to think that; if I can even think he is responsible - it doesn't say much for our relationship. Not in the long run. Maybe it is time to walk away.

I know for sure; Cole's parents will be happy with that decision - they had never liked me. They had even told me that I was standing in the way of their son's full potential. Now, I am beginning to think it was the other way around - he was standing in mine.

"...Ash?" Corey was waving his hand in front of my face.

"Sorry - I have so much on my mind, what's up?" I asked thumping back into the present to find the other members of my brother's band standing around the bed, "Hey guys!" I greeted them warmly.

When Paul died, I didn't know how the hell I was going to make it through, but every single one of these guys had offered me love, support and guidance should I need it. It was more than enough just knowing that they were there should I need them.

"Hey kiddo, how are you feeling?" Shawn asked me.

"Like I have been hit by a mack-truck..." I tried to smile but it hurt too much.

"Don't even joke about that Ash!" Sid piped up from my side as he slid his hand into mine and I gave him a little squeeze.

"So, what you guys doing here?" I asked, "I know y'all didn't just drop everything to be here for me..."

"Actually," Corey said taking my other free hand, "we kind of did..."

"Well it was mostly Corey and Sid who dropped everything, we all flew in yesterday when we knew that the docs were planning on waking you up!" Mick announced from the foot of the bed.