It Took The Death of Hope

Chapter 32 - Heating Up.

2 Days Later;

Ashlee Gray...

We had stopped in a backwater town; the guys had an interview they were doing. We still had a couple of days travelling to get to the next venue and where we were to have our first hotel stay of the tour. I am excited - if I am being honest - Corey and I both knew that things were going to change once we stayed at the hotel.

My only worry is that I am not going to be enough for him. I have only slept with one other man. Corey hasn't exactly been a saint and I don't mind. So long as I was his only at this point. And he had assured me that I was - I believed him.

I don't think anyone really realises what a huge deal that is. Especially for me. I had honestly believed that my ability to trust had been beaten out of me. The thing is - Corey is different. I know how naive that sounds, believe me, but it doesn't change the fact that it is what I feel. The man has this kind of aura about him - it was like I could see his soul whenever we talked, he laid it all out there. That was incredibly sexy to me.

Things between us have escalated. We have gone from kissing to touching each other. Strictly over the clothes stuff - both of us knowing the minute we have skin on skin touching; there would be no stopping us. And neither of us wanted our first time to be on a bus, surrounded by his bandmates. No, we wanted a comfortable bed, completely away and private from prying eyes. Not that I think any of them would try to be pervy.

Here I am on the bus, while they are off doing their interview. I am clearing my bedding area, as Dy and Charlie are meeting us tomorrow and travelling with us for a couple of days. It was agreed that I would bunk with Corey so Dy and Charlie could have the back space to sleep.

My phone beeped with a text, seeing it was from the man of the hour himself, I smiled as I opened the message, 'whatchya doin'? -C x.'

'I'm clearing out my bed stuff. You? -A x.'

'Hating that I am stuck in this interview when I just want to be with you. -C x.'

God could he be more amazing? I am losing myself in him. That was something that I promised myself I'd never do again, but here I am losing the battle to remain independent.

'You wanna know what I can't stop thinking about? -C x.'

'Always. -A x.'

'It's kinda dirty. -C x.'

'Oh now, I really wanna hear it lol 😂 -A x.'

'You're sure? -C x.'

'Yes. -A x.'

'I can't stop thinking about having you sitting on my face...I want you to ride my tongue as if it were my cock! -C x.'

Oh fuck. Well that was unexpected. I could feel my thighs clench together as desire pooled in my deepest core. Images flashed in my mind's eye at what he had suggested. God, did he know what he was doing to me?

Am I really going to be able to go through with it? I am not in the habit of lying to myself and I'm not going to start now; I am scared.

What if it hurts like it had with Cole the last time?

What if I freak out like I had with Sid?

What if I can't relax enough to be able to enjoy it?

What if it brings back an onslaught of fresh memories?

The very last thing that I want to do is hurt Corey. The man has been infinitely patient with me. That isn't something that I can ever repay him for. And I am scared that if I freak out on him, he will decide that I'm not worth it. I can't lose him now. Not when it had taken us this long to realise that we both felt the same way about each other.