It Took The Death of Hope

Chapter 36 - Confession.

Charlie Hunnam...

Why was she lying to me?

After all we had been through together - I didn't warrant the truth from her! The look in her eyes was not one I have seen before. I could tell what she was thinking most of the time but this - this was new. And I didn't care for it. At all.

"Where do you get off accusing me of lying?" she demanded defensively, "you know what...?"

"What?" I demanded back just as defensively as she was being.

"When we get back to LA - I'm going to move out, find a place of my own so you can emerge yourself fully in being the man-whore you clearly are!"

And there it was. She was jealous. But what did that mean?

Was she interested in me? The hurt she felt was shining like a Goddamn fucking beacon, calling sailors home in the dead of night. There was something else though - a spark of hesitation. It was faint but I caught it and I knew in that moment exactly what I had to do.

After all she had been through - she needed me to put myself out there first. She couldn't be the first to admit to what she was feeling and that was ok. I could do it. I could admit what I feel - right?

I just hope that Corey was right about what he assumed she felt for me because if he was wrong; I am terrified that I am going to ruin this friendship. No! I won't chicken out of this.

"You really don't see it do you?"

"See what?" she asked, glaring at me as if I were the devil incarnate stood before her.

"Dylan, the reason I go out on those dates is because the one woman I want to date just doesn't see me...I mean, I don't know if you see me. I mean I know you see me, but the thing is - I want you to see me as something more than a friend. I want you to see me and want to be with me because, God fucking help me - all I want to do is hold you in my arms and kiss you until you can't stand anymore." I admitted it. I don't know what gave me the courage - maybe it was the drink, or maybe it was because of what I was more than sure I saw in her eyes, "just to be completely clear here - I want you to be mine, I want to be yours...Dy, I am falling in love with you!"

The look on her face was hard to read as she bowed her head and took deep breaths. Moments ticked by and she said nothing.

Oh God did I read her completely wrong?

Have I just ruined our friendship?

After storming out of the bar and seeing the look in her eyes and the words that came out of her mouth - I honestly, thought that she was jealous. That she felt about me the way I felt about her.

How could I have been so stupid?

The girl had just broken free of an abusive relationship - of course she wasn't going to be ready to jump straight into something else so soon.

"Listen it is ok that you don't feel the same way Dy, you don't have to...we can just be friends..."

"No!" her reply was barely a whisper, but I caught it, "that's not what I want..."

"It's not?" oh fuck, I have lost her completely.

Just my fucking luck - I find a girl that I really like. A girl I can see myself settling down with and building a life together - and what do I do? I completely fucking blow it.

Way to go shithead!

"I can't be friends..."

"I get it. I'm sorry for reading..."