Just A Little Bit Of Your Heart ~ Randy

37: Back The Way It Was

Andy's P.O.V

Three days later

The plane ride home was silent. Nobody was their usual, outgoing selves, Jack and Brooklyn in one corner, Jon in another. I chose to completely isolate myself with Aliana, and she slept soundly the whole way. It gave me the chance to recollect my thoughts, think about what I'd say to Rye when we got back. Would I apologise to him? Maybe. I understood I shouldn't have shouted at him to leave me alone, but he didn't need to leave just like that. Especially when he knew what was happening.

***

I followed behind everyone as they entered the house, the entire building deadly quiet. It didn't seem like he was home right now, making me a little relieved.

"You should rest for a while, Andy. I'll take Ana for you," Brook offered, giving me a warm smile. "Don't stress so much. It'll be okay. I promise."

As soon as the door was closed behind me, I let everything just pour out of me. Every bit of anger, sadness, confusion, just everything. I was struggling so much right now; it was starting to just pile up more and more, and I didn't know how much longer I could go like this.

I fell into the sheets, curled up into a foetal position, crying into my knees. Nobody heard me, which I was glad about. I knew that no matter how many times they'd say "it'll be okay", it just wouldn't. They didn't understand. Nobody knew. Not even Ryan. He was slowly driving me back out, and I couldn't find the strength to push back anymore.

I cried myself to sleep, heart hurting immensely.

Later

Rye's P.O.V

I knew they'd all come home, and despite having had the last few days to myself, it didn't seem to cool me down. I couldn't face Andy right now; he'd pained me too much.

The last few days, all I did was cry. Cry, scream. I couldn't hold it back anymore. I had to let out that pent up anger and sorrow and frustration. I didn't even know why I was feeling this way. Of course, Andy lashing out was one reason: he didn't realise how deep down the words would cut inside of me. Everything was falling to pieces, and nobody was there to catch them and glue them back together.

"Hey," Jon nodded as I walked through the door. He didn't say anything when I ignored him, walking into my room. Seeing Andy asleep, I sighed and walked back out, heading to Brook's room instead. He was sleeping with Jack and Aliana, waking up when I entered.

"Jack, can you go and sleep with him? I just... I can't," I said, voice shaking in slight anger. The Irish lad nodded and I climbed in beside Aliana, kissing her softly.

I met Brook's eyes, registering... disappointment? He glanced at my sleeping daughter and back up to me, shaking his head. Sighing, I kept a straight face. Waiting for the lecture.

"You're being a dick, bro." He wasn't even subtle about it; he took the chance to tell me straight out, instead of letting me figure it out for myself. But how hard could it have been to realise it? I didn't agree, of course. But I knew.

"I'm being the dick? What about Andrew, who doesn't even know how much he hurt me? Brooklyn, tell me why I shouldn't be furious at him," I seethed, praying Aliana wouldn't wake up.

"Because he's go-"

"Going through a lot?" I snapped, cutting him off. I didn't even have to wait for an answer: the guilt in his eyes told me what I was going to hear anyway. "And you don't think I'm going through shit, too? I'm fucking human as well, Brooklyn. I'm not allowed to be angry and hurt people, but he is?" I laughed at the fatuousness of it.

"I didn't say that. You know I didn't." Firm, and right. Like he'd always been.

"Well, let me know what you did say," I replied, and picked Aliana up. Carrying her to her cot, I placed her in and stormed away.

Andy's P.O.V (I'm so sorry😂)

Nothing could blanket me with sleep. Hard as I tried, sleep wouldn't come. I couldn't even find the strength to go and get Aliana from Brook, and instead lay where I was, crying into my pillow.

Why was Ryan so pissed off with me? I hadn't meant to shout at him. I never meant it when I told him to come back to Spain and leave me in England. I never thought he'd go through with it.

I thought his temperament issues had gotten progressively better, but I guess I was wrong. It was back the way it was before. Which meant he'd go back to detesting me. He'd push me away. I'd have to fight to get back into his heart again. Could I really do that again?

The door to the bedroom opened but I kept my back to it. If Ryan hated me, he wouldn't come and sleep here with me, would he?

I felt the bed on the other side dip down, a groan as their foot connected with the edge of the bedside table. Making me smile humorously.

"Andy..."

That wasn't Rye. He really did hate me. He didn't love me anymore. The only thing we had in common was our daughter.

I choked out a loud sob, deciding there was no point in trying to hold them back. The arms pulled me into a bare chest, lips pressed to my temple to assuage the crushing inside of me. Not working, however. I couldn't catch my breath, vision hot and blurred. Thoughts utterly fucked over.

"J-Jack..." I cried, turning over to bury my face in his body. My best friend sat us up and moved so I was sat between his legs, wrapping around me. Through everything I was going through, he remained. He reminded me. Reminded me he was here for me. Like he'd always been, like he'd always be. It just wasn't enough right now.

"I'm so sorry, Fovvs. He's being a dick right now. You can't blame yourself for this. But don't blame him entirely, either. You know how his temper is." His voice was a little shaky. Doubtful? Nervous?

"H-he fucking h-hates me, J," I sobbed.

Never had I felt like this. Never had I felt so weighed down by anything. Like the universe decided to test how long it'd be until I cracked under pressure.

Never could I have found someone that both completed the broken parts of me, and tore me to pieces. Pieces to be thrown in the fire, rendered useless to a normal person. Never could I be so far gone for somebody, someone who at the same time salvaged the damage left behind, yet ripped through my emotions like the dreaded storm.

Jack continued to hold me, clasping me closer and tightening his grip the more violently I shook from the extent of my tears.

The only thing that grounded me in this hurricane...