Just A Little Bit Of Your Heart ~ Randy

39: I'm So Sorry...

Andy's P.O.V

Head spinning.

Thoughts racing.

I couldn't think straight. What could I do?

Where could I go? I had nowhere, no-one...

Nobody could love me anymore. How would they when I was so fucked up? My life was a shambles. Everyone I knew weren't who they said they were, who I thought they were.

I'd lose my daughter at this rate. I couldn't let that happen. I needed to make sure she was my priority.

No! Not again. Not like last time.

This time I had Ryan. Well, I'd assumed I did. Guess old habits don't die away.

I ran, stumbled and tripped. Until I found myself being hit by a soothing, whilst strong, gust of wind. The crashing of waves filling my ears and I sighed, collapsing to the ground. A little while later, I scrambled back up onto my feet and kicked the sand beneath me, until water spat at me. This was what I needed. My only solace right now amongst my shitstorm of a life.

Later

Rye's P.O.V

God, he never got off my back.

Brook opened my door, eyeing me furiously. "Why isn't he back yet?!"

I shrugged, turning back to my phone. My brother snatched it away from me, refusing to hand it back. I frowned and turned away from him.

"How would I know? I don't know where he went," I said matter-of-factly. Brook huffed impatiently.

"Ryan, this is your husband we're talking about! Your husband, the one you're meant to love, for fuck's sake. The one you have a daughter with, a beautiful baby girl! Why are you so careless? Are you really that prepared to tear it apart between you guys? What's happened to you lately? It's clearly not just what happened in England, so don't try and say it is to get you out of being blamed. If anything, you are the only one to blame right now," he growled. "Get up."

"No, why?" I snapped. I watched him pick Ana up and wrap a blanket around her while she slept, holding her as he grabbed his car keys out of his pocket.

"We're going to find Andy. For all we know, he could be beaten up somewhere, wishing for us to be there to find him. But no, you're being such a stubborn piece of shit."

Ignoring all my protests, Brooklyn walked off, leaving me no choice.

Brook's P.O.V

"I don't know what the hell has gotten into Ryan, recently. He's being such a dick, and he made Andy run out this morning," I sighed, leaning into Jack's hug. "He had sex with Mikey last night, who left this morning, and had hickeys all over his neck."

"Don't stress about it, babe. We'll find Andy. He's going to be fine. I know him." Jack smiled down at me and cooed at Aliana sleeping. "For having two fucking mental parents, this one's okay."

***

We drove for about two hours, ending up in the same places. Rye sat at the back, not saying a word, and the car jolted to a stop, making him jump.

"You're going to get out of this fucking car, and we're going to walk until we find Andy. Jon, stay here with Ana," I told him, and the younger lad nodded. "Rye, hurry up."

Jack rubbed my thigh comfortingly, and got out too. Rye was already ahead of us, heading down a path surrounded by trees either side. I sighed and followed my brother, calling out for Andy. The roar of wind nipped harshly at my skin, having forgotten to bring a jacket, and I realised how freezing cold Andy would be if he was around here; it made my stomach turn uncomfortably.

Three hours went past, with no sign of the blonde and the sun starting to set. Rye looked close to giving up, but his abrupt stop at a cliff side made me bump into him, following his gaze.

"The beach... this was where we had our first date," he murmured, looking down at the waves crashing up against the sand and rocks. Jack grabbed a hold of my hand, squeezing it.

"You wanna check down there?" He suggested, but I'd already started to make my way towards the staircase that led down to the sand, Rye literally running ahead of us. His careless nature had finally dispersed, the fear having now set in.

"Mi amor, where are you?" He yelled, and screamed Andy's name. Obviously receiving no reply. Rye disappeared round a corner, yelling my name frantically.

Andy was curled up on the sand. Shaking violently even when Rye had wrapped his own jacket around his husband, embracing him tighter than I'd ever seen. I strained to hear some kind of response from Andy, even despite Rye's hoarse cries of his name, repeating sorry over and over.

"Brook, do something! A-Andy, Andy! Please, baby. Don't do this to me. I'm so fucking sorry. I fucked up so badly. I'm sorry, please just wake up," my brother sobbed, tightening his jacket around Andy.

I walked over and kneeled down, taking Andy's limp hand. "Rye, he's deathly freezing. We need to get him to hospital," I said softly, a hand on his shoulder. He shook his head, bringing Andy up to kiss his forehead. The younger blonde's lips were blue, skin paper white, body completely limp and motionless. Breathing laboured and out of rhythm.

"N-no. Everybody will find out how bad of a husband I am. Everyone," he muttered. I sighed and Jack shook his head, moving to intervene.

"Mate, you're not a bad husband. You just... you let your anger get the better of you. It was just a heat of the moment thing. Come on, Andy needs to go to hospital. He's going to be fine, I promise," Jack nodded, Rye looking him in the eye.

We helped Rye to his feet, his hold on Andy growing tighter as he sprinted for the car, tears falling freely and soaking Andy's face, too.

All that was heard in the car was Rye's heartbreakingly loud sobs, even Ana staying asleep and quiet.

He sat on the floor outside of Andy's hospital room, furious that they couldn't let him in there immediately. Nobody even said anything when he smashed a hole through a table at the side, clutching his bleeding knuckle whilst he crumpled over in sorrow and guilt.

I couldn't say it was karma for him; that'd be too cruel of me. But he was told, time and time again, what his anger and actions would consequently lead to. And he chose to ignore those warnings, every damn time. He was told what would happen if he pushed Andy too far, and he kept pushing until the small blonde reached his breaking point. He was alone on the beach, freezing, for God's sake.

Rye would have to do a hell of a lot of asking for forgiveness from Andy, that was for sure.