Everything's Not Okay

Always

"Fuck!" Empty.

It can't be. Please no............ what am I supposed to do now?

"Woah, you good bro?" Kirishima stopped walking after noticing I was behind the group. We were just at the school gates. If I can just stop being selfish for one second he wouldn't need to be worried about me.

"Yeah, just shocked myself." Just laugh it off. Stupid Denki doing stupid things, as always. Kirishima already has a lot on his plate anyway. I can see the bags under his eyes from the lack of sleep. How long have you been up worrying about him?

'Sparky is just being a dumbass.' I bet Kacchan would say, but he's not here. Not with us.

"Yeah, how can you shock yourself with your own quirk dummy!" Mina joked. She's struggling too. I can see the strain in her smile, she's trying to lift everyone's spirit after the event. She shouldn't have to do that though. Behind her is Sero, who's trying to form a smile, but he just can't. They're all hurt, while I'm over here thinking about my own problems. How selfish could I be?

"Ha, I know right!" Maybe if I smile, they wouldn't have to be hurting so much.

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"As you can see here..." Mr. Aizawa isn't okay either. He's always had bags under his eyes. I think it's because he works at night, but this whole Bakugou ordeal has been hard on him. A lot of people blame him for Kacchan getting kidnapped, while his parents just cry to him in hope that it'll motivate him to find Bakugou faster. Our whole class isn't even here. A portion of us are at the hospital right now, which I don't even want to think about. 

We had a couple of days off, but we decided as a group to show up to school today. Maybe act as if everything is normal? But there's no Bakugou yelling, no mumbling from Midoriya, and just the general happiness is gone. I'm trying to lift everyone up, but it's hard. I'm only one person....... that shouldn't be an excuse though.

If only I was born smarter, then maybe I could make a plan, or at least focus on what Mr. Aizawa is teaching. I glance back at him instead of the wall. Yeah, he's still talking. I'm not all that lost, I think, but when did we get this far in the chapter. Aren't we in the beginning of this?

"Kaminari. If you could pay attention to what we're learning, that would be nice." He's staring me down. I can feel it. I don't like this feeling. Everyone around me is snickering. I turn to look at my peers, Mina is struggling to hold in a laugh, for a moment Sero's smile comes back up, and Kirishima is sighing behind me like a disappointed mother. At least they're happy.

"Oh, uh sorry."

"Maybe now you can tell us why this matter is important?"

What matter? I look back at the board. 

I can't understand a thing.

I didn't even know we got this far.... 

"I- uh." My eyes dart from information to information on the board to maybe find something that looks familiar, to trigger my memory, or maybe just a clue. I come with nothing. "No I can't. sorry" I drop my head low. I can't look at that disappointing look on his face that he always gives me. I just can't.

"As always." He says softly. I know he isn't mad at me, right? He's probably just tired from the lack of sleep? That must be the reason why! It's not because I'm a complete fuck up and can't focus to the point where I don't even know what chapter of the subject we're on. That can't be it!

I'm fine. I'm okay.

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