Pretty Lost (Completed)

Chapter 13

Blue(blood)'s P.O.V.

I go by many names that i accept any name you give me and i don't get bothered by any even female names as long as your not disrespectful towards me. Teddy is 'worrying' about my mental health and such but he doesn't know that i have gotten a new job. It isn't what HE would want me to do but for once i'm praised for making 'perfect' decisions and accomplishing my tasks. The praising was 'amusing' for a while but they soon became predictable since i knew what to do in the assignments all the time. When i do these assignments i know i can't fail since i find every single person, thing, or object predictable i have been on Earth for a while after all.

Things happen differently at times but i learn from each and write it down in case i might pass away and can pass on the information i have required on my time on Earth. It's peculiar how my reflection always shows me my real reflection and only me what i really look like even when i'm in disguise. Bullying is such an odd thing i never can get why it exists but humans are weird anyway. Bullying is something that causes death and you can't fix that emotionally damaged person from what they had to go through, their stuck in a limbo of pain. People say i looked 'lost' when they found me and that my 'spark' which refers to my emotions and innocence was 'gone' but it's there when Teddy talks to me for some reason.

A person's mind is so fragile that you can't help but wonder how easy it is to break someone so far that they take their life. I have experimented on how far someone can last before their mentally not there anymore and want death anytime. But i really seem to enjoy having someone in my clutches without any way to escape me and no one can help them no matter what. But i also in the clutches of someone i'd rather kill than listen to what they want from me since i may be born a slave but i have royal blood in me that will never stop existing. I really am something even i can't explain at the moment but sooner or later it won't matter and i'll be loved by everyone, they won't know i'm planning something out of their control soon.

As i write my new found info in one of my many journals that i use i write in. '𝒴𝑜𝓊 𝓃𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇 𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓁𝓁𝓎 𝓉𝒽𝑜𝓊𝑔𝒽𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓈𝑜𝓂𝑒𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓁𝒾𝓀𝑒 𝒹𝑒𝒶𝓉𝒽 𝓌𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝒷𝑒 𝒶𝓁𝓂𝑜𝓈𝓉 𝒶𝓂𝓊𝓈𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝑜 𝓈𝑒𝑒 𝓊𝓃𝒻𝑜𝓁𝒹. 𝐵𝓊𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝒷𝑒 𝓅𝓇𝑒𝒹𝒾𝒸𝓉𝒶𝒷𝓁𝑒 𝓈𝑜𝑜𝓃 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓃𝑜 𝑜𝓃𝑒 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌 𝓌𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝒽𝒶𝓅𝓅𝑒𝓃 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝒸𝑜𝓃𝓉𝒾𝓃𝓊𝑒 𝓉𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓂𝓎 𝓁𝒾𝓀𝑒 𝑔𝒶𝓇𝒷𝒶𝑔𝑒.' i write in cursive quickly. But i might change my 'mind' who knows when or if that will happen one day. No one is a great person even when they try to be what they are seen as or want to be liked. 

What i have in mind is something that you couldn't even dream of not even when you try your  hardest or are the most 'creative' person ever. I will always have something you didn't expect an you can't say otherwise not ever anyway. I will never be what you think since i take many twists and turns but you can try to read me. It's not worth loosing sleep it's not worth analyzing besides there was a time i was just like you. I didn't understand anything but now it's all easy to predict and stop but others seem to have a hard time understanding what i am.

It doesn't seem to bother me or Teddy but i will never feel regret for what i have done to anyone. Teddy says "You need to work on understanding that what you do can hurt people!" but i understand what will happen. And i do not care for anyone but a handful of a few people i have seen or heard of but Teddy is one of the few i 'care' for. He makes me feel like i'm whole again but once he's gone the empty feeling returns and only to come back once he comes back. But i don't have what people call sometimes a 'crush' or 'love' him i just consider him a brother that i would wish to to be like.

Teddy and i got to the point where we don't even ask anything and already know what we have in mind. So we really get along and he can always make me smile when we talk at least once which is nice but i will need a little distance. I 'want' to see how 'horrible' and 'cold blooded' i can be without him being there to talk me out of it or stop me completely. He wants to know why i want distance but if i told him he has a 72.3% of saying no and knowing him he's going to say no. I will come up with a 'deceitful' lie that can 'hurt' this 'friendship' i have with him so far and i am 'willing' to go far to see what the outcome is.

We both know how far I am willing to go for the outcome to be revealed to myself.  Knowing him as well he will forgive me easily since my 'disability' makes me like i am now but that really isn't the case in my eyes. But i will stop when it goes 'to far' for him to deal with any longer but i'm not at that point where he finds himself confused in what went 'wrong' with me. I can't help but feel like this won't end in many consequences that i myself can't handle or is out of my control but only i can put down those cards. No one can kill me permanently anyways so why worry about that at this point and nothing even intimidates me after my 'incident' anymore.