Our Story

Chapter 12

Jinyoung had known a day like this would come sooner or later. This day when he became tired of this so-called relationship. Being someone's second choice, he was starting to despise that. His feelings for Mark had never changed but it was true that they could not continue like this any longer.

It was when Mark was with him at the apartment, on Saturday afternoon, that the confrontation started.

"Let's stop this, Mark," Jinyoung said, out of nowhere. For the past hour, they had been in each other's arms on one of the couches in the living-room.

"Stop what?" Mark sat up straight, raising an eyebrow, probably sensing Jinyoung's seriousness.

"If we're dating, I mean let's break up. You know, this relationship we've, it's not working," Jinyoung raked his fingers through his hair, dismayed at his own words. Mark looked incredulous and for a few minutes, there was no reply.

Then he said, "What's the matter, Jinyoung? Why so sudden? Did I do something wrong?"

Jinyoung shook his head. "As I said, we can no longer continue like this. I don't want to. It'll be more difficult for me if we go further."

"I thought we were good. I thought we were both happy in this relationship."

Jinyoung forced out a laugh and Mark looked at him confused. "To some extent, I was. I thought you understood how I was feeling. I was always upset whenever I bumped into you and your girlfriend and had to pretend I was nothing to you. Even the thought of you two together, dragged me down. If you're certain you're going to spend the rest of your life with her, why're you with me? Aren't you afraid I might destroy your relationship?"

Jinyoung could hear Mark's audible sigh and waited for his reply. He did not like seeing Mark distressed but was determined not to withdraw any of his words.

"It's about Haewon again? Why do you keep comparing yourself to her? Yo-"

"I'm not. I don't want to. I tried to be content with what you could give me. But I'm selfish, Mark. I, for once, want to be someone's first choice. Someone who will love me as much as I do them. I know you can't be that someone. Let us end this relationship."

"Why don't you try to understand me? You know I... I can't leave you and I like what we've. Can you calm down? Why're we suddenly having this conversation?" Mark raised his voice and looked both devastated and irritated.

"You can't choose both me and Haewon. If you don't want to leave me, can you leave her then?" Jinyoung looked at Mark in the eyes but Mark shifted his gaze away. "You can't, can you? I wish I could understand you. But I really don't."

When no more words came, Jinyoung got off the couch and turned his back to Mark. Was he going to regret? Could he really let go of Mark? Would he blame himself when he revisited these memories again some day in the future? He shook all those thoughts off his head.

"Leave."

"What? Jinyoung, please. You're just torturing yourself," Mark stood up, to turn Jinyoung around but Jinyoung removed his hands from his shoulders.

"We're done, Mark. I'm not changing my decision. You'll thank me someday. Go back to her."

"Nonsense! Jinyoung, look at me. I said I can't leave you." Mark spun him around before Jinyoung could protest. "I'm not going to leave you."

"Don't make it harder for me, Mark. Please, leave when I'm giving you a chance to. As long as you're with your girlfriend, don't ever come back to me. I don't need someone who's indecisive, in my life."

Jinyoung could see how Mark's expression hardened and his hold on his shoulders tightened, out of anger. Their eyes bored into each other, as if each was challenging the other.

"You'll regret this, Jinyoung," Mark said, his voice barely suppressing the rage.

"I won't."

"Yes, you'll. You fucking will." Mark let go of Jinyoung and after grabbing his pouch, which was on the table, stormed out of the room, slamming the door on the way out.

Jinyoung fell back down onto the couch and that was when he felt his eyes prickling with tears. He remained there and cried, losing track of time, until he heard someone opening the door. He hated how fast his head whipped up, expecting to see Mark. But it was only startled Jackson in the doorway.

"Jinyoung, what the hell happened?" Jackson came to him and took the tissue from the tissue box on the table, to wipe his tears.

"I told Mark to leave me. We've broken up." Jinyoung felt a little better when his friend hugged him, patting his back. "I think he hates me now."

"It's okay, Jinyoung. You deserve someone better. It'll be okay." Jackson did not want to see his friend suffer but knew this split-up was better for Jinyoung. It was inevitable.

"He's never told me he likes me. And yet I was stupidly holding onto him. I want to hate him but..." Jinyoung buried his face in Jackson's shoulder, wetting his t-shirt.

"But you love him, right? It'll be alright. I'm here for you."

"Thank you." It was not needed between them but Jinyoung felt the need to say it. He was glad there was still someone for him. When he thought of Mark again, there was this question. How long was it going to take him to move on from Mark?