Our Story

Chapter 13

It was empty. It was meaningless. It was as if the world were turning dark. It had once been a crush only but now he could not deny that he was too deeply in love with Mark. In the back of his mind, he wanted to know how Mark was taking this.

It was about four in the morning when Jinyoung was wide awake, shifting in his bed and trying to shake off the unwanted thoughts. At last, giving up, he took a long shower and dressed, getting ready for the classes although it was still quiet and dark outside.

It was Monday morning and when he wanted time to pass fast and himself to be distracted by the classmates and lectures in the class, time seemed to be dragging by.

Jackson came out of his room, having showered and fully dressed about a little after eight. They had their breakfast together and left the apartment early.

Jackson had been a great comfort to him and tried to cheer him up. But he knew himself that it would take a lot of effort to overcome this heartbreak.

Luck was not on his side, however; when they were halfway to their first class, they ran into Mark and Haewon, who were coming from the opposite direction. They came to a halt just as Jinyoung and Jackson did.

Mark's eyes were fixed on Jinyoung, who could not look away from him either. There was that familiar ache when Jinyoung saw Mark's hand around Haewon's shoulder, from the corner of his eyes.

Jackson was nudging him and not wanting his discomfort to be obvious, Jinyoung gave Haewon a slight smile and refraining from throwing a glance at Mark, continued their way with Jackson.

He considered his relationship with Mark was already at the end and there was no reason whatsoever to continue it. But two days later after they had met in the hallway by chance, he got a call from Mark.

He had just showered when his phone rang and could not believe that Mark was the one calling him. He ignored the first two calls and when the third call came, he answered it, knowing Mark was not going to stop until he took it.

"Jinyoung." Mark sounded uncertain and hesitant and only then Jinyoung realised how much he had missed Mark's voice. But he did not give any response until Mark called his name again.

"Are you still there? Can I... can I talk to you?"

Jinyoung inhaled a long breath and said, "What do you want to talk about? I thought there was nothing more to talk about between us."

There was a pause. "Jinyoung, please don't pretend you're doing fine. I'm not. Can I... come over?"

"For what? If you want to know, I'm not doing fine. But it doesn't mean I'm starting our relationship again." He had to blink a number of times to stop the tears that were starting to well up in his eyes. "I'm gonna hang up."

"Wait," Mark's voice came out desperate, "Is there no way? I want to see you. Is it just impossible to continue what we had?"

"I don't want to talk about this again," Jinyoung tried to sound firm. "You know what I want."

No reply came and letting out a sigh, Jinyoung ended the call. No more calls came; Jinyoung convinced himself that he was not waiting for any. It hurt, however, because he knew himself that he missed Mark.

Lying on the bed, he heard Jackson's laugh coming from his room. He did not want to lie and say he was not envious of Jackson. He had never known what heartbreak was nor what the unrequited love felt like until he met Mark. He could not help but cast his mind back to the first time he had met Mark. It should have ended there, with him just having a big crush on someone but it had to lead him to this messed-up state and misery.

When the doorbell rang, he almost started with a jolt. No way. It could not be Mark. He hoped it was not Mark. But when he checked the time, an hour had passed since Mark's call, which meant it was, most certainly, Mark.

He slowly left the room, dreading going through another mental breakdown in front of Mark. Why did Mark have to be that persistent?

Mark was standing, looking uncertain, at the door when Jinyoung opened it.

"What's it again?"

Mark did not make any reply, standing still and looking as if he was willing to accept any harsh words at him.

"Mark, don't do this. Don't act like you'd do anything to be with me. Spare us this trouble because I'm tired of all of this and I'm not going to change my mind."

Jinyoung did not know why he did not struggle when Mark's arms engulfed him in a hug. Mark buried his face in Jinyoung's shoulder and Jinyoung failed not to melt in this warmth radiating from Mark.

"I'm sorry," Mark said, his voice muffled, "I've never wanted to upset you. Can we get back together?"

"I told you not to come back to me if you couldn't break up with your girlfriend. And yet you came back. Are you still together with her?" For a moment, he wondered if Mark would give him the answer he wanted. But of course, no answer came, which meant they were still together and Mark just did not want to say it out loud.

"What am I going to do with you? You want me to be so stupidly in love with you again, don't you?"

"If that means I can be with you. You mean a lot to me." Mark tightened his hands around Jinyoung, "I know I can't promise anything. But if you give me a chance-"

"That was what you said before we started to date. What chance? Am I to believe you again?" Jinyoung pulled himself away to look at Mark properly and the sadness in Mark's eyes reflected his own.

And when Mark slowly leaned in to close the distance between them, Jinyoung knew he was falling into this trap again.