book about my insanity

i lost a friend

cutting off someone that used to be your best friend is hard.

what hurts more is i tried. i tried so hard.

after losing a best friend last year, i realized what hurt the most is that i felt like i had to work to be her friend. the effort felt one-sided.

and when that same thing happened this time, i tried to talk to her about it. i used last year's predicament as an example, telling her how i didn't want a repeat of last year.

she knew how i felt.

so earlier tonight when i was talking with a group of people, she goes and fist-bumps everyone. everyone except for me.

i thought we were best friends and yet she didn't look at me. didn't even glance at me.

if she had a problem with me, couldn't she have talked to me about it? talked to me like i talked to her? it could have been solved.

i'm done trying.

i'm done feeling like not even the second choice, the third, or even the fourth choice. i don't even feel like i'm an option.

i'm done feeling like i'm the problem.

i'm done feeling like my opinions don't matter.

i'm done.

junior year of high school has been the worst year yet. but through it all, i found my true friends and discovered who my best friend is. i trust her with my whole heart and i don't ever wanna lose her.

it just hurts.