today I celebrate two years of being clean
today I celebrate two years of success; of triumph; of victory
today I celebrate two years of not cutting myself
two years ago, I was twelve years old. I was depressed, and no one knew. when I cried out for help, no one came.
I'm not blaming this on anyone. today, I have friends who support me. however, two years ago I found myself attempting to take apart a razor. when I succeeded in removing the blades, I felt relief. then came my attempt.
I held that blade to my arm, and I made a cut. it didn't hurt for a moment, but then the pain came. it distracted me from the emotional and mental pain I was feeling, so it made me happy. I smiled.
I made another cut. another. another. by the time I was finished, both arms were covered in cuts made from a single blade. it hurt when I bent my wrists, and I now understand why: I was so close to slicing my veins.
two years ago, I nearly lost my life because people thought it was okay to bully me for my weight and push me further into my insecurity.
that day, I decided to starve myself and workout excessively.
I was in distress because I couldn't lose weight no matter what I tried.
two years ago, my journey of depression and suicide attempts began
I am better now. I haven't had thoughts of suicide in four months.
thank you to those who support(ed) me.
YOU ARE READING
book about my insanity
De Todoin which you get to hear me scream about Broadway musicals-mainly Newsies. added note: also please ignore the absolute disaster of the first several parts. i was young and very cringy.
