book about my insanity

:((((

(republishing bc a couple of y'all made me feel a lot better ❤️)

i'm rlly upset

so since i'm a junior, i'm trying to decide where i wanna go to college and preparing to make my application as shiny and enticing as i possibly can

i've decided that i would ideally like to go to harvard, yale, or columbia, all because i've only heard great things about all of their biology programs. also, harvard and yale are great schools for dermatology which is what i've finally decided to do with my life

but, i understand how selective ivy leagues can be, which is why i've been stressed

there's this girl that i know. she's my best friend's roommate. and to put it simply, she can be a bit of a jackass.

however recently, ive been pissed off by what she's been doing.

she took the february act and i discovered recently she cheated on it to get her act score up. this pisses me off, bc i worked my fucking ass off to get my 32. if she ends up with an act score higher than mine, i might actually cry out of pure frustration and anger.

she also has a long list of extracurriculars, about twice the length of mine. she is president of several clubs and has several speech and debate awards.

what do i have? an internship (which she has also has), research experience (which she also has), vp of a club (which she also has), volunteer awards (which she also has), and i'm a head for my school which hosts the state's science bowl. while she doesn't have that, she is a part of the school's science fair.

and over me, she has published a book (which she published using her family's money), won competitions, and started a nonprofit (which hasn't been active in over a year and was only active for a couple of months).

it makes me rlly insecure, and also frustrated.

all the things she has done has been for the purpose of adding it to an application. she has bought her way through the majority of her extracurriculars. and the reason she does this is bc her parents won't pay for her education unless it's at an ivy league.

i genuinely want to go to these schools because i want the best education i can get. i know my chances are already slim, but the fact that i've put in so much fucking work for this girl to bs her way to the top is frustrating.

she cheats on her act, she disrespects teachers and staff, and fails tests only to beg her teachers to retake it when she knows the reason she failed is because she didn't try.

she puts down other people in our friend group because they don't want to go to an ivy league, as if that's all that matters. i'm just genuinely scared she's going to take a spot i seriously want at a school she's just going to for the name.

and i'm not undermining her hard work. im not saying she isn't smart and hardworking, but some of the stuff she does is so shady and infuriating.

i know im overthinking this, and i know going to an ivy league isn't the most important thing, i just rlly feel an ivy league will give me the higher education i'm looking for.

this girl has caused so much trouble in the lives of my friends and me. i know i shouldn't feel this insecure or angry it just frustrates me that she finesses her way around things while i'm working my ass off to get what i want. it makes me feel like my attempts are pointless.

big sigh.

i'm just tired and sick of high school.