Forever And Ever.

49

We sat in the clinic and waited.
"Are you sure about this?" Liam asks me for what seems like the seven hundreth time in the last two days. 

"Yeah" I reply "sure as ever".

"But the doctor said that its fine. Theres nothing wrong. Yer got fuckin' lucky".

"Yeah an' what about next time?".

"There won't be a next time".

"You cant fuckin' garuntee that though can you?" I ask.

"No of course not" he looks at the floor "I just dont want you doing this and then regretting it for the rest of your life man".

"Im not ready for another child Liam. Its driving me up the wall, I dont feel like myself" I reply "I might regret it for a bit but its better than being stuck in a situation where I'm raising a child I didnt want".

"You could grow to love it" he replies "yer mam didnt want Alice and here she is".

"She did what she knew was right, Liam. Just like I am. Please stop trying to convince me otherwise. I know this is hard for you, but you arent the one carrying it. Its my body and its my choice". He doesnt say anything else.

The procedure lasted no longer than fifteen minutes and then it was over. I got straight back into bed as soon as we got back to the hotel. Noel and Meg had taken Eliza out so it was just me and the dog. Liam stayed for a bit and then he headed off, locking the door behind him, which is fine because I had a key to get out anyway.

I looked around in my bag until I found some tapes and my walkman. I put the headphones on and then put in a tape. Pulp - His 'N' Hers. Probably one of my favourite albums from 1994, even though I only reviewed it and interviewed them (five months too late) because I thought the Gallaghers had fucked me over again. I pulled out my laptop and continued writing. It had come very apparent to me that I was getting near to the end of my book, I had just started the final chapter. I had decided to fabricate the ending a little bit, say I had run away to california for three months. I know the public knew I was Ill, but they didnt know what really happened in that time period so it seemed the perfect cover up.

There was one final touch to be made. I went all the way back to the beginning and added two things. First of all the first page now read:
'Bad To The Bone: My Life with Oasis. Writ by Jessica Hamilton-Gallagher. Dedicated to my darling daughter,
Elizabeth Darlene Gallagher.
I want her to know that this book was written with nothing but love and respect for everyone involved'.
Secondly I added a forword because I needed to clear a few things up. I know they are usually written by a friend of the author but I had no one to write it. It just explained how I wasnt just releasing a book to cover my scandals and get myself in the good books. But I had been working on it for a long time and I just want to get my story out there.

I stopped the album, it was finished anyway and looked at my work. It was finally done. I had finally completed ly biggest task. I got distracted by the phone ringing. "Hello?" I called down the line.

"Jess it's Guigsy, have you taken your meds?" He asks.

I look at the pills on the table. "No are you the pill police?".

"No. But you've been told three times a day, now its time for your second lot" he replies "I'm only tryna help".

I roll my eyes, lean over and take them. "Done happy?".

"Yes, very, how are you feeling?".

"My stomach hurts and I feel like shit, but I finished my book".