I See Stars; Tyrus

New Sheriff In Town

I'm sitting on one of the beanbags with my math homework balancing on my right knee, my textbooks and highlighters spread out before me in the library when Cyrus looks up at me.

"Hey TJ?" He asks, I tuck my pencil behind my ear and turn to face Cy in the blue beanbag next to mine, his fingers are holding open the outsiders crinkled pages.

"Yeah?"

"What would happen if we were in the 60s?" He gestures to the book. I ponder this for a second and then push my work out of the way, my head leaning back into the cushions.

"Well I would definitely be a greaser, probably part of a lot as well, it should be just of friends though, no real leader, I've seen how that goes. I would go to the movies and drive my souped up car, try and make good grades but probably fail because I can't focus in class." I say finally, this makes Cyrus smile.

"And what about me?" He asks and I grin playfully at him.

"You Mr Goodman would be at the top of the socs, classy, nice car, go with your friends to do whatever you wanted, within curfew of course." We both laugh at this, but then I keep going, because I have thought of this, a million times. But now I have some-one to share with.

"And one day your group would see this tall greaser by himself just getting out from the movies. His friends haven't been the nicest, so you, being the most friendly person ever that everyone can't help but like goes up to the boy and says hi. And soon you guys are talking like you have been friends forever, and maybe, once or twice a week he'll sit and have lunch with you guys, and you'll be best friends."

And one day the taller boy will lean down to kiss him under a starry night sky and they know they can do anything together....

"This greaser sounds like an amazing person," Cyrus comments.

"He can be tough but once you get to know him he's alright." I shrug still smiling.

"Well then why doesn't the greaser ever hang out with the socs friends?" Cyrus says suddenly and puts the book down, he goes to stand up and outreaches his hand to me.

I push it away, "I really don't think that's a good idea Cy..." My thoughts go to Reed, Reed in my jacket, Reed teasing Cyrus. Everyone seeing me and Cyrus hanging out and they know very quickly that I have another vulnerability point. And they will go for the kill.

"Come on TJ, why not?" Cyrus pleads. Well you see there is a thing that Reed happens to know that he could very much use against me and if he thinks that I like you, well then it's chaos for the both of us.

"I just really don't think that Reed will be very kind to us that's all, with him being captain and all." I say with as much assurance as I can.

Cyrus pouts, "I swear I'll just introduce you to my group of friends, and then the bell will ring and then we can go back to class. No Reed." He stretches out his hand again, "please TJ?" His eyes turn to big soft doe eyes.

God dammit the eyes.

I sigh, "fine, but this has nothing to do with the puppy eyes." I take his hand and he pulls me up. (Or really I pulled myself up, Cyrus looked like he could use some help) But I don't let go of his hand, I can't for some reason, not matter how hard I want to.

As we walk out of the library Cyrus looks to me innocently, "what puppy eyes?"

I nudge him, "you have too much power over me Goodman."

"And that's a bad thing?" We both laugh, and I think, maybe Reed left to go to a dinner for lunch, or maybe he's hooking up with some poor girl in the science classroom.

I was wrong.

Because just as we are about to enter the cafeteria and Cyrus goes to wave his hands at his group of friends that are engaged in a conversation, I hear the familiar squeak of basketball sneakers.

"Oh well well, if it isn't TJ Kippen." Reed sneers, "where have you been all this time?" Then he goes and looks at mine and Cyrus's entwined fingers. "Oh, so you've been off making out with your pathetic excuse for a boyfriend. Typical of you to go for the small ones, they are quite easy to break."

"Shut up Reed." I snarl, Cyrus looks at me confused, "TJ what is he talking about?"

Reed's grin gets even wider, "so he hasn't told you yet?"

"Told me what?" Cyrus's eyes grow small.

I go to open my mouth but Reed beats me to it, "oh, that big, strong tough TJ Kippen is a ***. I would have thought you would figure that out by now, considering he's only talking to you because he is desperate for some loving "attention.""

"Cyrus that's not true, well I mean I am gay but the part about using you and stuff isn't I swear I would never do this and this is what I was talking about when I said he was using me, this is my vulnerability Cy, that I'm a freak and I get that you'll hate me-" I start to stammer.

"Shut up Tgay!" Reed exclaims, then he makes a pitying face, "it's a shame that everyone will know what you truly are by tomorrow, such a tragedy that you couldn't keep it in your pants." Then he walks off while whistling.

Neither of us says a word for what feels like forever. Then I realize that my eyes are watering, and I'm going to cry.

My fist pounds the locker next to me shouting dammit, dammit, at every pound.

Once my fist is relatively red I turn to look at Cyrus, who's eyes are scanning for any sign that this is a dream or something different. But it's real, very much real.

Then I realize he is crying as well, silent tears stream down his face. I want to go out and wipe them away from his face and hold his head in my hands, but I can't. All I can do is try and make things better. The Tough TJ Kippen way.

"Cyrus?" I say to him gently, Cy doesn't say anything back so I keep silent. Suddenly an idea comes into my head. "Hey you wanna come over to my place, I don't think either of us can handle a second more at this school."

Cyrus still doesn't say anything, but he falls forward and collapses in my arms. I don't try to pull him closer than I should, but I'm pretty sure if I wasn't so messed up right now my heart would have exploded.

"I'd like that just fine." Cyrus finally mumbles.

"Good, then lets go Underdog," And we walk out of the school building, my arms hanging on the only thing good in my life. The clouds covering the sunlight, giving us dark shelter.