I See Stars; Tyrus

Fight for me (reprise)

Hey, could you hold my hand?
And could you carry me through no man's land?
It's fine if you don't agree
But I would fight for you
If you would fight for me - Heathers "Fight for me"

I want to paint my nails black and listen to sad songs from a half-broken Walkman underneath the sheets with ice cream being shoved in my mouth with a shaking hand.

Which is exactly what I intend to do for the rest of my life.

I'm halfway through the plastic tub when Amber lifts the blankets away from my hunched figure. I don't bother to look up at her.

"TJ you can't just wallow like this forever." She sighs and tries to take the ice cream away from me, but I hold a firm grip on it, unlike my grip on me and Cyrus's relationship.

"Bite me." I reply but it comes out more bitter than I intended. Amber huffs to blow strands of hair out of her face and walks over to my window, opening the blinds, stunning my eyes with the bright light.

Amber sits on the bed next to me and pulls my Walkman off of my face, "TJ. Look I'm not the one to tell you to get over it. Like I can see that you could never do that. But you have to do something, its depressing me that you're here, cooped up in the dark and all."

"But why does it hurt so much Amber? Like I've been broken up with before. Why is this one different?" I mumble, I thought my eyes were empty but a few more tears spill out, I brush them away frustratingly but only manage to let more run.

"Because he's Cyrus, TJ. Because he's not like the others. Think about it Thel."

And I do; I think about Cyrus's smile when he's proud of himself in class or when he has a different sandwich every day, he'll always give me half if I need. And him reading the outsiders and telling me about all of his favorite parts. His dark sweeping hair I like to run my fingers through, and his soft cheeks. The way his parents always cover him up with sweaters but they are always just low enough for me to see his collar bone peeking out and it drives me mad.

The way his hand feels in mine. The way he kisses me. The way we mouth words to each other and understand completely. The way he sees stars.

"Oh. Oh." I say and Amber nods, smug with herself. "He is different, he's... I'm.." I spring off the bed suddenly. "I have to tell him. I don't care if it doesn't change his decision, but I have to try." I turn to face my sister and we both get off of the bed at the same time.

"Don't worry baby bro I've got you." Amber pats my shoulder than rushes to the nearest phone in the house, I myself stay in my bedroom thinking over exactly what I just realized.

After a minute of mumbling to somebody over the phone Amber comes back, "Okay Romeo, you're meeting your Juliet at the park in approximately ten minuets so at least put some shoes on and start running."

I kiss her on the cheek, "thank you so much Amber!" I shuffle my converse on as Amber mutters "yeah, yeah."

Then I'm out the door. Down the street. Around the corner. Can't stop, won't stop.

And suddenly Cyrus is there, Buffy's arms wrapped protectively over him, wearing my jacket which swallows his shoulders, his hair is flat and tangled, his cheeks look fresh from salty tears. Aside from his eyes that look still and numb he's as gorgeous as ever.

Buffy smiles a little when I approach, "he's all yours. Just... don't-" she tries to form the words but can't, so instead looks me dead in the eyes with a pleading look and I nod my head slightly. I get it.

Buffy steps away out of earshot so she doesn't dip on our conversation and then it's just me and Cyrus. I take a step closer. I can hear my heart roaring in my chest. Cyrus doesn't look up. My heart rate gets louder.