I See Stars; Tyrus

Fires start with Sparks

I walk the sniffling Cyrus outside the school and down a few blocks back to my place, trying to remain as strong as possible. Is this what it feels like to have somebody so close to you that even the slightest feeling of danger causes an avalanche of pain and emotion?

After a little while of silence Cyrus finally says something, "so its true?" He asks.

I already know what he's talking about, "Yeah, it-it's true. I am, gay." I haven't said those words to many times in my life, not even to my family yet, but it feels right saying it to Cyrus.

"Oh." Is all he replies with, but I swear to you I saw him smile for a fraction of a second before looking at the ground again. "I guess its nice not having to worry if somebody hates you or not for your sexuality."

I still have my arms wrapped around his shoulders, so I squeeze them tighter, "yeah, yeah it is underdog."

✭

"Wow your house is so..." Cyrus trails off when I turn the handle of the door and step into my home.

I turn around and face him, "Messy? Cluttered? Dirty?"

Cyrus smiles playfully, "no, I was going to say homely and warm."

"That's just the nicer way to say messy!" I exclaim, Cyrus laughs and its nice hearing it again, but I can't get attached, if I get attached then Reed will just have more weapons against me. I take my jacket off (see I told you I have thousands of these things) and walk Cyrus into the living room.

Magazines and papers are strewn all over nearly every surface, cups of day old drinks and cards are on top of the dusty coffee table and stacks of VHS's remain over the TV mantel. I try to clean some of the stuff off the couch, my fingers forcing off a paperbacks onto the floor.

Cyrus picks one up, "lord of the flies?" He reads the title, "you really do like reading don't you Teej?"

My face reddens, people calling out a guy for reading doesn't make you feel to hot you know?

"No those ones are Amber's I think." I lie.

"No they're not."

I sigh, "no, they're not." I grab the book out of his hands, "but you can't tell anyone about this! Can you imagine Reed knowing about my girly habits on top of the blackmail?"

Cyrus's smile fades, "why are you so afraid of what he does? I mean I get teased and bullied for being gay all the time but I don't let it control me. TJ, sometimes you have to embrace your faults and own them, or else they are seen as something that can be used against you. So what if one jerky guy with no brain cells has your jacket? You can now see how stupid it was in the first place."

I don't know what to say to that, I look Cyrus directly in the eye and see the bravery in his words right there in front of me. And I ask myself why can't I be Cyrus Goodman, because if I was Cyrus, maybe life wouldn't suck so much.

Maybe I don't want to be him...

I clear my throat and break out of my trance, my face flushing. "So do you uh, wanna watch a movie? We got plenty of VHS's."

Cyrus looks at me again and I feel my pulse racing, "yeah, I'd like that a lot T." And all I can think about is I don't want to be Cyrus, I want to be with Cyrus, and the wanting only grows stronger as we start to sift through boxes.

"Oh hey what about this one?" I gesture to the Karate kid. Cyrus shakes his head, "we have to find the perfect one." He says with such motivation that I can't help but giggle a little.