I See Stars; Tyrus

Fight For Me

Hey, Mr no-name kid, so who might you be? And could you fight for me? And hey, could you face the crowd? Could you be seen with me and still act proud? - Heather's the Musical ("Fight for me")

When Amber clambers upstairs to force me out of bed the next day she finds what might possibly be the biggest surprise of all time.

"You're out of bed." She says surprised. I catch her eyes in my reflection of the tall mirror of my bedroom. "Yep, no more early morning shouting."

"But that's impossible." She walks over to me and pinches my arm to make sure I'm real. I laugh and brush her hand away, but she's already caught on. "Wait a minuet, brushed and neatly gelled hair, nice shirt, that jacket that shows off your muscles-" She sniffs my clothes, "and cologne... You have a girlfriend!"

I push her aside, my brain goes foggy. Girlfriend.

"I don't have a girlfriend Amber." I say coolly, but she's too invested now.

"A hook up? Ooh are you trying to impress someone, like that cheerleader girl? Kira?"

I try to put my shoes on as fast as possible to get away from this conversation, this wasn't suppose to happen. "Enough Amber." I snap and tie the final knot of my sneakers.

"Awe is wittle TJ smitten in wove?" Amber says in a baby voice, "Which lucky girl has your heart TJ? I bet you were gonna get a tattoo of her face as well, oh that will look so savvy."

I pound my fist at the wall, "Dammit Amber, why can't you just leave me al-alone?" My voice cracks, that's not a good sign. None of this was going to happen, I didn't even need a ride from her this morning, I was going to walk, and then maybe stop by Cyrus's house, maybe walk with him. Maybe brush my hand against his. Maybe...

Amber huffs, "Take a chill pill T, you don't have to get so worked up over it, I'm totally just like dying to know who this girl is. You know my friend Iris was talking to Libby at the team's last practice and she heard that Kimmy told her that Kira liked you because of how hot you-"

"Stop it!" I shout at her. My cheeks flush for a second, because if Dad heard me, if dad heard any of this. But he's not home, he's not home. I don't know if that reassures me or makes me even more angry.

"It's not Kira Amber, it will never be her or some of your other friends." My eyes began to prickle as the floor beneath me starts to blur from hot tears. This was never suppose to happen.

I don't meet Amber's eyes, but she replies two seconds later. "What are you gay or something?"

Tears start to roll down my cheeks faster, but I still don't look up. My breathing becomes very shallow as the seconds between her sentence and my answer become longer. This was not how it should have gone. There was never even going to be this conversation.
I'm suddenly frustrated and very tired. Like going to school would be like climbing a mountain. But the anger is still in me. Threatening to boil and spill over my body, everything that I never told her. Which is the only reason that I must spit out:
"Yes Amber. I'm freaking gay okay? I'm a ***. Are you happy?"

We're both silent for a second. I shut my eyes and imagine a different world or universe, where this never happened, where all of my previous maybe's came true. Suddenly Amber wraps her arms around me and pulls me into a tight hug. "TJ.... I had no idea, I'm sorry for teasing you, I just, this is the only thing that I can really talk to you about, not dad. I miss our banters Thel, I just miss the real you. Now I realize why you became so distant. I'm sorry TJ. Look at me."
I look at her in the eyes, tears still cloud my vision, but I can see Amber's intentions clearly. She probably doesn't understand, or maybe she does and just never could express it. Either way, she wants to try.
"Hey, I'm sorry if anyone was giving you hell for this. And I'm sorry if you could never talk to me about this. Hey, look. TJ, people can be real jerks and pull you down for who you are. But you can never let them win, okay? Because you are not wrong, you are not dirty or disgusting. And you're especially not like them. You're better. I'm sorry, so sorry." Amber rambles on and its hard to keep my eyes clear.