A White Thread That Mends A Lonely Heart [COMPLETED]

Chapter 8:Confession Of Sadness And........Love?

My heart is slightly pounding as I do my usual work in the office with Enty. Many what ifs are running in my mind as the day progresses. What if Enty hates me after I told her my real problem? What if she starts avoiding me? What if she never talks to me again like we used to? Those questions are so many that I can't describe them all. Am I worrying too much about that? I'll just see it myself after today's work.

In lunch time, I ordered a balanced meal of meats and veggies because I wanted to have some weight in my quite thin body. Enty orders the same meal but with an additional, fish and chips with ketchup. After we took a seat side by side, Enty notices me feeling uneasy as we ate,

"Commander, you're not in your usual self today. Are you okay?"

After taking a bite of meat, I tried my best to reassure her with a forced smile, "No, I'm fine, really. I......" I ended speaking with a sigh. My smile immediately faded.

There's no hiding it from her now. Enty already saw it in my eyes. The sadness, the guilt and the pain that is written in my eyes. After we finished eating, I put my hand into my forehead. Enty is already worried about me.

"Enty, I think it's almost time to tell you the truth about me. We will wait for a little longer. Can you bear with it?"

Enty just nodded. We stood from our seats and proceeded to go back to the office. I need to focus for the time being. We dealt with the remaining paperwork given by the HQ and I also need to report the usual patrol from the Solomon waters. After all the work is done, nighttime is already here and it's cold outside. I drink my coffee and proceeded to wear my coat.

After I locked the office, I went outside to find my favorite spot. There, I waited for her to come. My heart is pounding so loud that I can barely hear it. Here it comes, I'll accept the consequences after this. I clutched my chest as Enty came. I took a deep breath and offered her a seat beside me. Enty accepts without a word and a moment of silence kicked in as I looked around if there is no people around.

I took a sigh and started to speak, "Um, so, I already told you we're here, right?"

"Yes. You wanted someone to talk with, Commander." Enty answered.

I feel so pressured to get started but I don't care, "I didn't told you this before. I,uh.................I didn't because I'm scared."

Enty looked at me as I started to confess. "I'm scared that you will......... hate me and say such things like 'Coward', 'Pathetic', etc."

Enty stopped me for a sec and said, "Commander, I'm not like that to you. I'll never say such things like that."

I can't hold back now as I started to spill my what ifs from my mind, "What if after this, you'll change your mind? What if you started avoiding me and thinking of me as a cowardly commander? What if--" I'm surprised a bit when she put a finger to my lips and smiled softly at me,

"Commander, in my whole life, I never said anything bad to you. I already even told you that I'm grateful meeting you because you're the only commander who treated me as an equal. You already know that, right?" I slowly nodded and Enty pulled her finger from my lips. Then, she cupped my face with her hands.

I let out a slight gasp as she held my face. Her caring eyes as she smiles looked straight at mine. I blushed a bit and a tear formed in my eye. Enty wiped off the tear using her left thumb. I held her right hand and closed my eyes, feeling the warmth that came out of it.

Enty then started speaking again, her voice soft, "Just let all of that out. I'm free to listen to every problems you have. Don't worry, I'm here for you."

I opened my eyes and she let her hands go from holding my face. Feeling a bit relieved, I took a sigh again and proceeded to confess all of my problems,