i'm your a to z | jihancheol

pistachio ice-cream and private therapy

chapter 9

Why'd it have to be Jihoon? Jeonghan wondered in his blanket burrito. He couldn't stop thinking of all the times they'd spent together and how they ended up the way they were.

Jeonghan was who confessed first. He had liked the boy for months and had finally gathered the courage to tell him. He was surprised to hear Jihoon liked him back, though he shouldn't have been. Even though Jihoon came off as cold to his other friends, he never seemed to have any problems with Jeonghan.

What really surprised him was when Jihoon pulled him down by the collar and kissed him. They made out against the wall of the high school but didn't make their relationship official.

They went on dates after that but neither ever asked to date.

Until Jihoon took Jeonghan to his favorite coffee shop and asked him to be his boyfriend. That day, Jeonghan was the happiest he'd ever been.

"If we ever break up," Jihoon had said. "which won't ever happen, I promise I won't replace you. Promise me, too?"

What a foolish promise but Jeonghan still tried to keep his end.

Jihoon always understood him, unlike any of his other relationships. Jihoon understood Jeonghan's mental health problems and never judged him for them. Instead, he tried to help the boy endure. He distracted Jeonghan from any problems he'd been having. When he was with him, nothing else mattered. They were both happy.

Until Jihoon had begun to grow distant. He ghosted Jeonghan and ignored him in school. It hurt. It hurt a lot.

Jeonghan didn't say anything about it. He regretted that decision everyday.

Then the day came when Jihoon said the three words he knew were coming.

"Let's break up."

Jeonghan didn't know why he let it happen. They agreed to stay friends but deep inside, he knew that wasn't going to happen. He kept hope though.

The next day, Jihoon moved away.

That was the last Jeonghan had seen him.

Of course, until a few minutes ago. It shouldn't have affected him since they broke up years ago but it made him upset how he'd moved on. Everyone moves on, so why can't he?

He stayed inside his blanket and listened to the laughter coming from downstairs. He didn't know for how long but he heard a knock on the door. It was then followed by a louder knock -more like a bang, a groan, the jiggle of the doorknob, a louder groan, jiggle of keys, and lastly, the doorknob being turned. Standing in the doorway was an irritated Seungcheol, holding a bowl of mac and cheese.

"Eat your food then cry." He put the bowl down on the bedside table and walked out.

After he left, Joshua and Chan walked in. The American sat beside Jeonghan while Chan stayed standing.

"You okay?" Joshua asked.

"Do I look okay?" Jeonghan asked and sat up to take the macaroni and cheese bowl.

"Definitely not," Chan answered. "What's the matter?"

Jeonghan was hesitant to answer but decided they had the right to know. He told them Jihoon was his ex-boyfriend and how he missed him.

They didn't judge.

"You don't need him," Joshua said.

Jeonghan knew he was trying his best to help but it always annoyed him whenever someone said that. They never knew what he'd been through and how Jihoon helped him through it. He didn't know if he'd ever find someone who treated him the same way Jihoon did.