i'm your a to z | jihancheol

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chapter 25

Joshua wanted to help Seungcheol. He really did. He always wanted to help people but he never knew how. It hurt to watch others suffer but lack the ability to do anything about it. He knew what was wrong with Seungcheol. The man had been isolating himself for so long that he didn't know how to handle anything. But knowing someone's problems doesn't really help when they act like they don't want to be helped.

It was the same with Jeonghan. He obviously went through a lot, leading to emotional trauma. It hurt to see that; whenever he had a nightmare or whenever he'd flinch if someone raised their voice at him.

Joshua didn't seem like it but he noticed everything. And he was determined to find a way to help his friends.

Thoughts filled his head as he walked into the restaurant. As expected, it was crowded and making his way to the kitchen was hard. When he walked in, he noticed many familiar and unfriendly faces.

Gang members.

"Joshuji!" Junhui's voice called, directing everyone's gaze to him. It wasn't the attention that bothered the American, it was the fact Junhui had used Jeonghan's nickname.

Rather than telling him, Joshua only waved and made his way to his spot to put his bag down.

"Isn't that the guy from the party yesterday?" someone had asked. It was the tall man with glasses. Wonwoo?

"He did look familiar." Seokmin. Joshua couldn't stop thinking about that man. Was it the same Seokmin from high school? His "gay awakening" as Jeonghan had called it. He looked so familiar yet so different.

Chatter broke out, all about him. He felt his chest tighten and he wasn't even sure if he was breathing right. The amount of attention put on him and the obvious gazes of hate -for what?- were making it hard to breathe.

"What's going on?" a loud voice called out. As of right now, it was the only voice he was happy to hear.

"Mingyu," Joshua sighed. "Sorry I'm late it was just-"

"It's fine." Mingyu smiled, despite looking exhausted. Seokmin walked past Junhui and to their boss. Did he not remember who shot him yesterday? Or was that all a dream? His leg was perfectly fine, now that Joshua thought about it.

They all watched as Seokmin spoke to the tall man. Mingyu looked annoyed.

"Yes, Joshua works here," he said with a sigh. "And I know what happened yesterday but no one better hurt him. I know what you all are thinking."

"You all understand?" Minghao's raised voice spoke out. Joshua hadn't even noticed him standing besides Mingyu.

"Yes, boss." Some of their voices sounded shaky. The American didn't know who they were scared of more -Mingyu or Minghao. What a power couple.

"Now, get back to work," the gang leader said, causing everyone to go back to what they were doing.

No one talked to Joshua throughout the whole day besides customers. Not that he minded; he'd rather no one bothered him. He only wanted to go home.

Home.

Where was home? It was supposed to be a place you can come to when in need. Somewhere you felt comfortable.

Last time he called a place that was in California. He didn't fit in anywhere in this country. He lived in a dirty apartment for years that he could never call his home. For the past few days, Seungcheol's place was where he felt comfortable. But was Seungcheol alright with it?

Joshua loved both him and Jeonghan's company. He knew they did too, even if one showed it more than the other. Yet problems always happened.

They had to be fixed.

At that moment, Joshua made it his goal to be there for both of the boys.

He checked the time and sighed when he noticed there was an hour left until he could go back. The dining area was mostly empty, causing Joshua to shudder when he remembered his first day. What even happened after he left?

He waited against a counter, watching as his boss and his boyfriend talked; they were the only others in the area. Joshua noticed how different Minghao acted around his boyfriend; his normal tough guy act put aside. Only when they were alone -or thought they were. It reminded Joshua of Seungcheol, who acted cold and apathetic but was a huge softie who only needed love.

"Why do you love watching them?" Junhui asked from beside him. Joshua almost jumped at the surprise, not knowing when he had arrived.

"I'm not, I just zoned out," he lied.

"I know you find them cute."

"Alright, maybe."

"Everyone's jealous of their relationship, I wouldn't be surprised if you were."

"I'm not!" he frowned and looked over at the smiling boy. There was no point in lying to him. "Maybe."

"Who do you think of when you see them?"

"What kind of question-"

"I mean, who would you want in a relationship like theirs? Jeonghan? Seungcheol?"

Both. Sometimes he thought of Seungcheol when Minghao would pretend to push his boyfriend away even if both had smiles on their faces. He'd think of Jeonghan when Mingyu would act childish around the other. And would it be wrong to say sometimes, rather than seeing himself in a position, he saw Jeonghan and Seungcheol together?

"No one," he lied. "I don't think of anyone."

"Keep lying to yourself." Junhui chuckled and looked down.

"Who do you see?" The question had escaped on its own. Something in him was half-expecting Junhui to say Jeonghan. It hurt to think that.

"Wonwoo," he mumbled, a pink hue spreading on his cheeks. Joshua had never seen him like this. Then again, he rarely ever saw Junhui.

"Cute." The American smiled and checked the time again. Quarter hour left. Then a question dawned on him. "Hey, this is irrelevant but..."

"Hm?" The taller looked back up.

"About Seungcheol. What's your relationship with him?"

"He's a friend?" Junhui smiled.

"But how do you always know what he's doing and why are you always 'protecting' him?"

Silence.

"Only coincidences."

Joshua didn't believe that for a second.

"I'm being honest, what do you think?"

"I'd say you were some type of angel but that's dumb."

"Close enough." Junhui laughed and began to walk off. "I really am a human, I just have good senses."

Joshua was more confused than ever but put the thoughts aside. For now, it was time to go home and make sure his friends felt loved and appreciated.