"I like you." My heart is doing things right now. I'm scared... I feel like I'm gonna have a heart attack or something. I finally spoke. I finally told him. I feel better but I'm scared.
"I like you too!" Jin smiles. Is he serious?! No way! Jin likes me back! My thoughts got interrupted by jin. "You're my best friend I like you so much, you know?" Wait what.
"What?"
"I like you too. You're a such good friend, how could I hate you?" You have to be kidding me.
"So do you like me?"
"Yeah. I can't hate my best friend right?"
"Fuck..." I mumbled. "What?" Jin questions.
"You like me- as a friend?"
"No- I like you as my best friend. Because you're my best friend duh!"
Fuck this shit I'm out. "What I mean is that- I- I like you but not as a friend- you get it?" I sighed. "I like you." I'm so scared.
"No. You don't like me jungkook- you're lying.." Jin said. Not daring to look at me.
"I do- I really do, I've never felt this way with someone and I- it's really weird for me this... I know that I've dated guys- one guy. But I really think th-"
He interrupted me. "No. Jungkook-ah this is wrong. I don't like you- I like you as a friend... You're my best friend and I cannot like my best friend. Neither- I don't like namjoon if that's what you're thinking."
I felt how my heart broke. Every part of me broke, this is a new feeling. I don't know how to describe it, I feel like I'm gonna die. He just doesn't like me back... But it's okay I understand it. I'm stupid! Maybe he's not even gay and I told him everything, I should've kept my mouth shut.
"T- then why y- you said that you l- like namjoon?" My voice cracked. I feel like I'm gonna cry, and I don't wanna cry because a guy rejected me but this is not a guy is jin. An incredible guy who I really like. This might sound stupid but I never felt like this.
"I... Don't... Know."
I looked at him and sighed. He's not even staring at me. "Let's just forget what I said okay? We can be friends still, right? Let's suppose that this didn't happen" I said smiling sadly. I won't forget about this.
Jin sighed, looked at me and nodded. This is the most awkward thing ever but I also feel so bad... I don't know what to do. Should I hug him? Should I leave? Should I stay? Should I stay quiet? Should I just stare at him? I don't know. I'm so stupid for telling him that.
Neither of us is talking. So I decided to do something to make this less awkward... Yes- I fake coughed and Jin laughed a bit.
After a few minutes, jin broke the silence. "So! Uhm... Are you hungry? You know that I can make anything to eat." Jin said without looking at me. "Actually I am- but I don't wanna bother you- maybe I should leave?" I said as I was looking at the floor.
"No!" Jin yelled. Wait what?
"What do you mean?" I asked confused.
"I don't want you to leave- you know that I've been distant with you- and I don't want you to think that I'm gonna be more distant with you because- uhm... You know?" Yeah, I know... "Maybe we can do a sleepover? Does that sound good to you? But first, we gotta ask your parents if you can sleep here but yeah obviously if you want to stay..."
"I get it- and yes I wanna stay! I'd love to and yeah I'll ask my parents. They know that I'm here with you and well-" I took a deep breath. "I'll call them." I took off my phone from my pocket and I called them.
"Hi mom uhm I'm at my friend's house, you know seokjin right?"
"Yeah I know who is that"
"I wanted to ask you if I could stay at his house- it's raining and it's late."
"Okay I'll tell this to your dad, tomorrow you don't have school so it's okay but be here at 10 am- 11 am. Not 12. Got it?"
"Yeah- yeah thanks mom love you" I ended the call and looked at jin. "I can stay!" I giggled at the end. Jin stared at me while smiling and nodded.
"Okay, what if we watch some movies? But first, let me get you some pajamas and then I'll make something to eat before we watch the movie." He smiled. I nodded. Jin stood up and walked upstairs.
Why is this happening to me? I'm really trying to not have a breakdown or scream at jin... I can't blame him for not liking me back. And the fact that he thought that I told him "like you" but he got it as "friend" is so cute. He's really precious and innocent.
I don't know what I would do if something bad happens to him. He's like my home. A place where I feel safe and it's only with him. I'm so stupid for thinking that he would like me back- or that he'd see me more than a friend.
Like he said. He doesn't know if he's gay or not... And I don't think he is- because of what happened. I'm so stupid! Why am I like this? I don't know why I thought that we're gonna be happy then get married and all of that shit, but what won't happen.
And it will never be. I can't force him to like me back when he doesn't. That'll be unfair. If he doesn't like me I gotta accept it. I have to.
___
i'm sorry for 'disappointing' u guys- i will not... maybe baby seokjinnie is hiding something? uhhh i don't know heaheheah i'm doing homework so i'll try to update tomorrow:)
anygays #jinkookmarried
