"Oh, shit..." Jungkook whispered. He tried to act as if nothing had happened. "Oh yeah! Sorry, I just woke up. I was too sleepy that I fell!" Jungkook lied. He was sweating.
Yoongi didn't believe him either Jin. "Sure" Yoongi mumbled to himself. "Anyways, I was leaving! I have a date tonight and I don't wanna be late" Yoongi scoffed.
Jungkook's mouth made an "O"
"Also take care Jin-ah," Yoongi said and patted Jin's shoulder, Jin mumbled a little "okay" Yoongi walked towards Jungkook slowly. "You need to practice how to lie Jungkook-ah," Yoongi said sassily, "take care, both of you" he waved at both of them happily and left the house.
There were two boys confused left at home. None of them talked. Until Jungkook coughed. "Listen I'm sorry... I listened to your conversation with Yoongi, half of. I'm sorry" Jungkook repeated feeling guilty.
"It's okay don't worry Kook" Jin smiled a bit at Jungkook. Jin didn't let Jungkook respond he walked towards the bathroom.
"Fuck" Jungkook whispered.
Meanwhile, Jungkook was complaining about himself Jin was in the bathroom, looking at himself in the mirror. Jin knows that he's not okay, he knows that he looks unhealthy.
But he just can't change it. Every time he eats he would just want to throw up, but he never did, for Jungkook. He knows that doing that is wrong and that is not healthy. Jin has tried a lot to act like he's okay, but he really isn't.
He won't forget about what happened in just a few days. The only times that he can forget a bit about his problems is when he is with Jungkook. And Jin doesn't blame himself for that, he loves Jungkook. Jungkook is like his brother, even though Jin doesn't feel the same way as Jungkook does, Jin knows that Jungkook is a good guy, a really good guy.
Maybe too good for Jin, every time Jungkook does something for Jin, Jin questions to himself "why is he doing this?" Because Jin doesn't get it. Jin thinks that he doesn't deserve Jungkook, there are just random things on Jin's mind. When Jungkook is not at home Jin would just scream and cry.
He hates everything about his life, he doesn't get why he had to be born this way. He tried to commit suicide, before and after he met Jungkook. Jin accepts that his life was horrible before meeting Jungkook. That guy changed Jin's life, and Jin is really grateful.
Now that we think of it that way, Jin has tried to kill himself at Jungkook's house but when he is about to do it he stops. Because he knows that, that would hurt Jungkook.
Jin knows that maybe his dad wouldn't give a fuck if Jin died, he knows that. But Jin is really stubborn with some people.
Sometimes he acts like a kid.
"I just don't want him to take care of me" Jin mumbled to himself, as he looked in the mirror. "Maybe if I didn't meet him it could've been easier for me and he wouldn't have to do this to me, but maybe if-" Jin got interrupted by a knock on the door.
"Jin-hyung?" Jungkook said through the door with a worried tone.
"Coming!" Jin said trying to act happy. He gave himself a last look in the mirror before faking a smile and coming out from the bathroom, like if nothing was wrong.
Finding a worried and curious Jungkook waiting outside. "You okay?" Jungkook questions worried.
"Yeah, I'm completely fine." Jin said faking a smile not even looking at Jungkook, he changed the subject instantly. "Are you hungry?" Jin questions.
Jungkook nodded. Jungkook felt like something was off, but he didn't know what. So Jungkook asked Jin once again, "are you okay?" This time firmly.
"I told you that I'm okay... Now let's go to eat"
Jungkook knows that Jin is good at lying, but this time Jungkook didn't believe him. "Jin can I tell you something?" Jungkook asks.
"Yeah" Jin mumbled.
That's when Jungkook grabbed Jin's chin so Jin could look at Jungkook in the eyes, while Jungkook held Jin's hand. "Listen, I'm here for you okay. I know that not everything is okay, I'm aware of that, I really I am. But I just really hope you know that I'm here for you, that you can talk to me, that you can trust me. I won't judge you, I know that maybe you don't feel good, and that's completely fine.
I get how you feel. I really do. I just want you to feel like you can trust me and that you don't have to hide anything from me. Look- I love you, Jimin loves you, Yoongi loves you. Your mom loves you. We love you. Please, but please never forget that.
Every time you feel like dying or that you can't handle it anymore just think of us, of the people that loves you. And about the happy memories that you have, it doesn't matter if they aren't that much. But if you have some that's important, just remember the happy moments. I'm not the best at making people happy because sometimes I feel bad too.
I have my worries and my concerns too. But I always think of the good things that I have, of the people that I love and the people that loves me, imagine how they would feel if someday I decide to just disappear?
Sometimes I want to disappear and just not be here, but I try to take those thoughts away. Because it's not good to waste your time thinking about how useless and worthless you think you are when you are not.
I love you Jin and I'm here for you, always. I know that life sucks, it does. But meanwhile, we are living we can at least try to enjoy it, with the people that we love.
I'm not trying to make you think that what you feel is wrong, because it's not. It's okay to feel sad, angry, or even like dying. It's okay. It's not bad, it's normal to feel like you want to die, it's okay and I get how you feel.
But please just... Never try to do it. Never try to hurt yourself even if you feel like you shouldn't keep trying, even if you feel that you shouldn't be living because that's not worth it, it will never be.
People will miss you, I'll miss you, a lot. You have no idea how I'd feel if something happens to you. How your friends, your family would feel if you do that. Listen, I love you. They love you, we appreciate you a lot.
Don't think of yourself as an annoying person, Jin you are amazing, you're super smart, handsome, and ugh! Girls at school die when they see you pass by, even boys. And you think of yourself as unwanted?
No, I'm not saying that not loving yourself is bad, I don't love myself too. But I'm trying to change that. Jin you are so fucking gorgeous, inside and out. I love you Kim Seokjin and you should love yourself too" Jungkook said that, all of that. He wanted to say that.
Jin didn't say anything. He just cried and cried. Jungkook's words really made Jin feel something that he had never felt before.
Jin just wanted to hug Jungkook and never let him go. And he did. "I- I just want this to be over, I miss everything, I hate this Jungkook, I'm sorry for trying to hurt myself I'm sorry, I'm so stupid. I won't do it again, I promise"
"It's okay, don't worry" Jungkook held Jin tightly and kissed Jin's forehead. Jungkook loves Jin and he wants Jin to be happy.
He wants his Jin-hyung to be happy.
Jungkook wants to be happy again, with him.
___
depressing stuff
