9 months after
My relationship with taehyung it's great I think... sometimes we have little fights like all couples do, but ah, sometimes it's just too much..
He wants me to do things that I don't wanna do. They're not bad things though. But I don't want to and I'm not ready for it.
Sometimes he blackmails me, saying that if I don't want to do it with him. He will find someone who wants to do it with him. It's frustrating because I know what it means.
We don't talk like we used to and it makes me feel like I'm not enough for him, he doesn't talk with my friends like he used to.
He's always with other people that I don't know, just only few of people knows that I'm dating him.. but he never said it on social media on school, and I understand that maybe he just wants privacy.
But if you're dating someone you tell everyone about it, no? You feel proud of it and you don't hide it, because it's supposed to be like that? Ah I don't know sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy.
It really upsets me that I don't spend time with him anymore, when I text him he answers after two hours. I don't think I'm good enough for him, was I ever good enough for him?
I'm not jealous of him making new friends, but do I have to be jealous of it? On school I try to talk with him but he always leaves and I can't even say a word, it makes me so mad.
I've tried to make the things work because I love him and I know that he loves me too but sometimes I think of that.. does he loves me? He found someone else that can give him what I can't?
I can give it to him, it's easy I just have to say "okay let's fuck tonight" but I don't because I'm not ready and I don't want to. I always considered him as a person that is compressive, but I don't know what to think now.
Whenever he's with me he ask me "tonight? Tomorrow? In two years? When?" It's so frustrating. I know that nine months dating is a lot and that I should've do it with him since months ago, but I feel like if I do it he's gonna leave me after that.
I know that I shouldn't be thinking that but I do and I don't know why.. sometimes I wonder if he really loves me or if he's only dating me because I'm good looking for him? Or because he only wants to have sex and leave after that?
I don't even think I'm good looking. If he only wants me for that then why he doesn't say it to me? If that's supposed to be? It's like that how it should be? He posts selfies of us and stuff. There's fan accounts shipping us and it's okay because we're dating, but he never puts a caption or something like he used to.
I don't know what to think of it. What if he's cheating on me but I don't see it because I love him and when he says that he's only mine I believe it? Or what if he's not cheating on me and I'm just making things up because I'm scared of losing him?
What if I never dated him and I just believed it? What if he likes someone else but he doesn't tell me? And if he does why he doesn't tell me? Does he knows that I'll get hurt because of that? Does he really likes someone else that is not me? Or it's just me being stupid? I'm enough for him? Was I ever good enough? He really loves me?
I ask me those questions everyday.
*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･*･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･**･゜ﾟ･*:｡..｡:*
I don't wanna go to school today I don't feel like it.. also why I should go? I'm gonna get ignored anyways. I'll just lay down and watch tv.
