Jeremy: Eyeing a prop This looks like the right room.
Jake: Finds the video library Over here!
The others join him at the stacks. They see "Star Wars Episode 1, Version 300," "Star Wars Episode 1, Version 301," "Star Wars Episode 1, Version 302," etc., then "First Day of School" and "First Day of School, Digitally Enhanced," then "Wedding Video" and "Wedding Video, Digitally Enhanced." The camera scans past "Kids First Swimming Lesson" and "Kids First Swimming Lesson w/ Digitally Enhanced Weather" to stop at the reel of "Raiders of the Lost Ark, Original Negative 1982."
Jeremy: That's it!
Rich: Alriiight! Get it, Jeremy!
Jeremy: What? Why me?
Rich: 'Cuz you're a tall-ass. Now get it, you piece of crap, before I grab your nutsack and twist it!
Jeremy: Okay! Geez! He grabs the reel canister. The door opens behind the boys and the lights go on
George Lucas: What are you doing?! The boys turn in horror
Jeremy: Oh God! Oh Jesus!
George Lucas: You're the boys from that ...stupid club. Give me that! He grabs the film reel from Jeremy
Michael: Do with us what you will, Mr. Lucas! He goes down on his right knee But please, don't change Raiders of the Lost Ark.
George Lucas: We're gonna make it better. The movie's gonna be changed, and that's that!
Rich: Alright, you asked for it. I'm afraid you leave us no choice. It's time for Plan B.
Jake: Aw, really?
Michael: Oh God, no! Not Plan B!
Lucas looks at the boys quizzically
Rich: Seriously You have a heart made of ice, Mr. Lucas, and so we're going to melt your icy heart... with a cool island song! Gentlemen?
The boys reach for their clothes and rip them off. Underneath they wear colorful Latin outfits and grin
George Lucas: confused ...What??
Rich: Hit it, Michael!
Michael goes over to a boombox and presses the play button, then returns to the group. Caribbean music plays and they start dancing
Rich: In the tropical isles with the coconut trees, there's a lots of-
Jake: Waitwaitwaitwaitwait. I thought we were gonna cool his hot heart with a cool island song.
Rich: ...No, he has an icy heart.
Jeremy: ...But you can't melt ice with a cool song.
Jake: So we have to warm his icy heart with a "hot" island song.
Rich: It's a cool island song.
Jeremy: Well then we're gonna end up freezing his hellish heart with a cool island song.
Rich: Oh, do we wanna do that?
Michael: Maybe we have to cool his hellfire heart down to a moderate temperature?
YOU ARE READING
BMC and DEH Oneshots: South Park
RandomJust the characters from Be More Chill and Dear Evan Hansen in place of the South Park characters
