BMC and DEH Oneshots: South Park

Skankhunt

(Boy's Restroom- The boys are gathered and Connor paces back and forth)

Jeremy: The girls want to see Jared punished so we have to prove it's him.

Michael: We're never gonna prove that and you know it! We have to make him stop!

Evan: He's not gonna stop, he's loving all this! He wants the girls to hurt us!

Michael: ... Then let's end it.

Jake: What do you mean?

Michael: Jared is the cause of all our problems. Always. We all know what has to be done.

(They look at Michael with surprise and dread. Jeremy stops pacing)

Michael: It's not like we haven't talked about it before - fantasized about how we'd do it.

Jeremy: Yeah, but not like we'd actually do it.

Connor: Michael's right.

Evan: Connor... You can't be thinking that we'd-

Connor: What else do we do Evan? You know better than anybody what a monster he is.

Jake: He pushed everyone too far.

Rich: It's him, or us!

Evan: Are we seriously talking about doing this?

Michael: How would we ever get away with it?

JD: We do it out in the woods. I know how to get him to go.

(In the school hallway, Jared listens to some music while sitting. He notices the boys walking up to him)

Jared: 'Sup guys?

(The boys are all looking down. Connor talks in an unenthusiastic tone)

Connor: After school, we're gonna go to my uncle's cabin - in the woods. We're gonna have a sleep over and play Counter-Strike all night with no one around to bother us.

Jared: (Stands up excited) Are you serious?! All night broship Counter-Strike party? That's fucking sweet! Does your uncle's cabin have good wifi?

Connor: Yeah, but don't tell anyone where you're going. We don't want adults to know cause there's gonna be a ton of junk food.

Jared: Dude, that's so awesome! This is gonna be the best night ever!

(Later, The boys are walking through the woods)

Jared: This is gonna be so awesome. Just hanging with the bros playing Counter-Strike all night. Alone in the woods - you pumped Jake?

Jake: Yeah, I'm really excited.

Jared: I'm totally gonna do some massive pwnage. Whoever's on my team will be stoked. My laptop's so fast it doesn't lag at all. I can jump around like a pwnage powerhouse.

Rich: I'm sure you will.

Jared: You guys all seem kinda, like, bummed out. Is everything okay?

Evan: Everything's fine Jared. We'll just get there sooner if maybe we don't talk much.

Jared: Okay, cool. Goin' a long way to play Counter-Strike. How much further now?

JD: We're almost there.

(At sunset, they arrive at the cabin)

Jared: This is cool. So isolated. (Looks to see a hole and shovel in the ground) And there's a shovel next to a hole dug in the ground. Okay.

(Inside the cabin, Jared goes over to the table at the far end and puts his items on it, while the boys form behind him)

Jared: I call dibs on this side! What's the wifi called? Is there a password?