BMC and DEH Oneshots: South Park

Jeremy vs Michael Part 2

The school yard

Jared: This is gonna be so sweet, dude!

Rich: You guys are so wrong about Jeremy. He's gonna get his ass kicked!

Jake: We'll see!

Connor: Why don't we just raise our bet to fifty dollars?

Jared: You're on, Hot Topic!

Evan shows up

Jared: Well, well, well, look who's here! Our little home economics friend, Evan!

Evan: Hey guys, what's going on with you?

Jake: How come you wanna take home ec.?

The girls walk by

Christine: Hey Evan, how's it going?

Evan: Going great. How 'bout you?

Alana: Pretry good. Can't wait for Home Ec. tomorrow!

Jared: ... Nice.

Chloe: So, what's going on here?

Rich: Jeremy and Michael are gonna fight!

Jenna: Really? Cool!

The students stand around waiting

Jenna: It's funny, 'cause Jeremy and Michael both went home about fifteen minutes ago.

Jake: What?

Alana: Yeah, they left.

Rich: Aw, those sons of bitches!

Brooke: I guess they don't wanna fight.

Jared: Aw, they wanna fight! They just don't know it yet...

Jared and Jake arrive at Jeremy's house. Jared rings the bell

Jared: Jeremy?

Jeremy: Opens the window What do you guys want?

Jared: How come you didn't show up for the fight, Jeremy?!

Jeremy: Michael and I have no reason to fight each other.

Jared: Well, Michael showed up.

Jeremy: He did?

Jared: Yeah. He was standing there waiting for you, and he was all like, "Man, Jeremy is a wuss," and we were all like, "No he's not, Michael," and he was all like, "Yeah he is, he isn't showing up. He's a big wuss, and he has crooked teeth!"

Jeremy: I don't have crooked teeth anymore! I got it fixed!

Jake: And then Michael was all like, "Jeremy is scared of me. He's a big chicken." And he started doing an impersonation of you being a chicken; He watches as Jared demonstrates well, everybody in school saw it!

Jeremy: What?! Ugh!

Jake: Yeah, it was weak.

Jeremy: I'm not a chicken!

Jared: Well, everyone in the world thinks you are. See ya. Turns to walk away

Jeremy: Wait! I'll fight!

Jared: Tomorrow?

Jeremy: Okay.

Rich and Connor arrive at Michael's house. Rich knocks and Michael answers

Rich: Michael, what the hell are you doing home?! You're supposed to be out fighting Jeremy!

Michael: Queer Eye's on.

Rich: Michael, you can watch Queer Eye any day of the week!

Michael: I do watch Queer Eye every day of the week!

Connor: Okay, that's fine. I guess you don't care about what Jeremy said about your moms.

Michael: Nope. Shuts the door

Rich: Oh, damn it! Knocks again, and Michael answers Well, I guess you don't care about what Jeremy said about your vintage soda collection.

Michael: What?! What did he say about my vintage sodas?!

Connor: Oh, nothing, nothing really... Except that you stick each bottle up your ass before you go to bed.

Michael: That son of a bitch, I'll kill him!

Rich: Yeah, I'd be angry too, so maybe we should reschedule the fight for tomorrow?

Michael: After Queer Eye.

Rich: Being gracious After Queer Eye, of course.