*Jared bursts through the wall wearing a police uniform and holding a baton*
Jared: BITCHES! THERE'S A NEW SHERIFF IN TOWN! AND HE HAS AUTHORITAH! YOU WILL ALL RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH WHILE I AM WEARING THIS SKIN-TIGHT WOMEN'S POLICE COSTUME I BOUGHT FROM THE HALLOWEEN STORE!
Evan: Oh no! Jared has authoritah!
Connor: Is that bad?
Jared: DAMN RIGHT HOT TOPIC! I'M A COP! SO YOU WILL RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH!
Connor: Yeah right, shorty. *He gets down to Jared's level* Why don't you go play pretend cop somehwe- *Jared hits him over the head with his baton* OW! DA FUC- *Jared hits him again*
Jared: NO CURSING IN FRONT OF THE ACORN CHILD! YOU WILL TAINT HIS PURITAH!
*He continues to hit Connor with his baton*
Evan: JARED! HAVE MERCY!
Jared: MERCEH IS FOR THOSE WITHOUT AUTHORITAH! MY WORK HERE IS DONE! NOW I WILL TAKE MY AUTHORITAH TO THE STREETS! *He takes a bite out of a bath bomb* Luv da cronch.
*Jared jumps out the window*
Evan: ... We are doomed.
NEW JERSEY!
Jeremy: GUYS! JARED HAS AUTHORITAH!
Brooke: WE'RE DOOMED!
Jenna: The kid eats bath bombs and ships an emo with a tree-hugger. I think we're fine.
*Jared rides up to them on a tricycle painted to look like a police car*
Jared: Well, well, well, what do we have here? You think you guys can just go around taking random pills from foreign countries?! Time to teach you guys some authoritah!
Chloe: Yeah right. What are you gonna do?
*Jared hits Michael and Jake with his baton*
Michael: OW! YOU CAN'T DO THAT!
Jared: GET YER ASSES TO JAIL!
Jake: STOP IT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!
Jared: RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH YOU BITCHAS!
Christine: WHO GAVE JARED AUTHORITAH?!
Me: ME! I HAVE THE AUTHORITAH TO GIVE HIM AUTHORITAH!
YOU ARE READING
BMC and DEH Oneshots: South Park
RandomJust the characters from Be More Chill and Dear Evan Hansen in place of the South Park characters
