Seer《Book 1: Season 5-6 》

Songs Remain

Cas spent alot of time with me the following week. At first, he simply stayed with me at night, observing, worried my nightmares might cause my powers to go haywire.
Mostly he just sat at the edge of the bed, or stood by the door like a statue. No one could stand guard quite like Castiel.
But when I zoned out one day at breakfast with Bobby, I had a day-nightmare, and flipped the table over and sent everything on it crashing through the kitchen window. That's when Bobby called Dean, who called Castiel, and it became less like a vigilance, and more like a training camp.
It was nearly dusk when he arrived this time, and dragged me outside to the most open area we could find among the junk.
"I really don't want to do this anymore, Cas..." I complained, rubbing my eyes wearily. He was lucky I was a morning person. But he also didn't give me time to have coffee.

"You have to," he said sternly, but upon seeing my worried, and sunken eyes, he softened.
"Hazel you have to do this. I'm sorry..."

I took a deep breath and nodded with tight lips. Reluctantly, I let him approach me more closely and place his hand over my forehead.
"Ready?"

"As I'll ever be."

He pulled my memories and trauma to the surface. All of it, making me shrivel internally with terror, as if I could still feel everything. I was lost to the world outside my mind, but I heard Castiel's voice through the chaos.
"Control it. Do not let this be the source of your strength. "

I still didn't understand what I was supposed to do. After trying this for  days, I was still paralyzed with fear as the images flashed by, though to me it was slow, as if I relived them. More than the torture I'd recently endured...Old hurts were resurfacing. Battles I'd had with the supernatural, friends I'd lost...all before I'd reached adulthood. One particular memory gave me chills; the night I was so high I almost couldn't stop myself from getting raped. Almost.

"Push them aside!" he commanded more loudly.

I tried to focus, tried shutting down the program, but it was like shutting rusty garage doors, creaking, scraping and straining. The horror behind them was stubborn.
I couldn't feel my body but I sensed I had tears streaming like rivers down my cheeks.
Finally frustration took over everything else, desperation for it to end, and I slammed those garage doors shut. My mind went blank, calm. I felt my energy return to a less volatile state. I'd finally done it after three days of this crap, I finally dominated over the shit going on in my head.
It took me a moment to leave my own mind, but when I did and pried my eyes open, I found that I was partially pinned to the ground by Castiel, and his face was very close to mine. The glow in both our eyes faded to normal as we entered the real world together and found ourselves staring into each others gaze. I felt my cheeks involuntarily flush.
"You alright?" he asked me quietly, "I had to hold you down...you started throwing automobiles.."

I squinted and turned my head, cheek in the dirt, to see a couple junk cars flipped over, several yards away from their original position.
"I did that?"

I expected Bobby to come running, or rolling, outside hollering about the noise any minute.

"You did."
He helped me to my feet, which were a little unsteady, so I supported myself with a hand on his arm.
"But that was successful, at the end. "

I sighed while I brushed the filth off my pants. "Dean buries his crap all the time, and it's worse than mine. It shouldn't be this hard..."

Cas reached down with his other hand and held mine in the air between us , a sweet and reassuring gesture. "You're not weak, Hazel. "

"I'm not so sure of that anymore," I said, refusing to look at him. I tried my best to ignoring the sizzling energy between his fingers and mine. At first I was going to react, but then I realized what was happening. I had just gotten stronger, and my energy was reacting in contact with his. I pulled it away and shook off the tingling sensation. I hoped that wouldn't happen everytime he touched me.