Seer《Book 1: Season 5-6 》

Just One Night

I had know way of knowing for sure how Hazel felt. Despite all my power as angel, I could never read emotions the way she could.
All I could do is recognize the hurt on her face, and the trembling of her fists.
I just wanted to be sure she didn't hate me. If she was soon to be lost to me, I just wanted to be sure that we still had love.

She graciously accepted my offer to spend one last night with me. So I had to take her somewhere special. Somewhere beautiful and secluded where we could be alone and pretend for just one night, it wasn't all about to end.

I choose a cave in Mexico, where a river gently flowed over the entrance and the top of the cavern had been worn away, leaving a perfect view of the stars that would give us light.

Hazel stopped looking sad long enough to marvel at the place.

"Where are we?" she asked me, craning her neck to look through the natural skylight.

"Mexico." I replied, and sat down beside her feet.

She joined me, hugging her knees to her chest.
"So...I guess we need to have a real talk." she said to me.

I nodded in reluctance.

"Why dont you go first?" she asked of me.

"What can I say...?" I said, not able to meet her eye.

"Just...start slow. From the beginning. Tell me how you feel...about everything. "

I sighed and paused for a long time. Just trying to find the words.

"From the beginning....?

It doesnt feel like it's been twenty years since I was ordered to kill you. Every time I see you, it feels like yesterday. Like you grew and seduced my body and my heart overnight.

I loved you as a child for so long...even when you were grown. But when I finally got close to you again, something changed. I couldn't even begin to explain.... perhaps it was finally seeing you up close again, and realized just how beautiful you were.

Before I knew it myself, I was a fool in love. And just before we were all about to die...you kissed me. Then as I faced my brothers that day...I knew, I'd do anything for you.

I didnt know what love was, not really. All I knew was that I wanted to hold you and never let go. Shield you from all the darkness and pain in the world. Hide you if I had to. Because you were mine..."

☆☆☆☆☆

I listened intently, my smile growing wider by the minute. Forgetting we were there to say goodbye.
He was open to me now, completely. As he spoke of me it was nothing but fondness and lack of regret.

"I realize now...I didn't deserve your love." he said more quietly casting a sad smile my way.

"Oh Cas..." I murmured, leaning over to rest on his shoulder, "that isn't true."

"You said yourself my lies have hurt you." he breathed into my forehead.

"Love isn't always rainbows and butterflies. Its messy for everyone..." I quoted Dean, "I suppose its my turn."

I gathered my thoughts for a moment. Trying to organize all things I never really said to him.

"It feels like forever since I was dead, struck down like game by the other angels. Watching Sam and Dean fight for their lives nearly every day. And then I saw you...a creature of myth stepping into their lives. You saved them...over and over. I had so much respect for you. But I when I actually met you...I was afraid. How could I stand in the presence of an angel? I thought so little of myself. A junky...a theif...I felt like you should smite me any second.