accomplice | ethan dolan

thirty four

jade

"are you ready to surprise daddy?" i smile while taking lucy out of her car seat.

"dada" she claps her hands excitedly.

"yes baby, dada!" i laugh as i walk into noah's house with her in my arms.

it's not even 9am yet, i really hope ethan is still asleep so we can surprise him.

we agreed that life on the run wasn't suitable for lucy but i couldn't bare it anymore, i missed her so much.

i hope ethan feels the same, and doesn't get too mad at me.

we'll probably take her back to bonnie and grayson in a few days, but we needed to see her.

"noah?" i'm confused when i find him sitting in the living room, "what's wrong?" i ask concerned about the way he's looking at me.

"why is lucy here?"

"i wanted to surprise ethan" i tell him.

"there's something i need to tell you" he sighs.

"you're scaring me" i laugh nervously.

"why don't you let me hold lucy" he reaches for her but i pull away.

"what's going on?"

"it's ethan" he mumbles and i instantly get a gut feeling that it's bad news, "he's dead"

"no" i shake my head.

i can't process what he just said.

"i woke up to your phone ringing" he starts, "when i seen that you and ethan were out i answered it, and it was ethan. the changrettas had him"

"the changrettas?" i ask confused and he nods.

"ethan went straight to them when he woke up and you weren't here-"

"this is my fault?" my voice cracks, "i just-" i burst into tears, "i just wanted to surprise him"

"he rang to say goodbye"

"no" i shake my head again with tears streaming down my face.

"mama" lucy says touching my cheek.

"he rang to say goodbye" noah looks at the floor.

"what did he say?" i gulp.

"he was scared. he made me promise i'd look after you. i'm so sorry jade"

i have to sit down as my legs start to feel weak.

"i'm going to drive to graysons, i don't think we should tell him this over the phone. do you want to come?" he asks.

"yeah" i mutter wiping my tears.

i don't know why i'm crying, because i don't feel like i'm sad.

none of this feels real.