accomplice | ethan dolan

thirty six

i just heard his voice. i know it's him. there's no doubt about it, but my mind can't process the fact that ethan is still alive, or that noah could be so cruel.

i've cried myself to sleep almost every night for the last 3 years.

i had to sit my daughter down for the hardest conversation of my life, and comfort her while she cried because her daddy was never coming home.

i watched grayson grieve ethan, a person he's never known a life without.

ethans death tore us all apart.

noah witnessed our pain, he seen what we went through, and he knew ethan was alive all along.

i can't imagine what it was like for ethan.

he spent 3 years alone.

he believed grayson and i had given him up for immunity. the two people he trusts most.

he spent 3 years not knowing how lucy was doing.

i feel a physical pain in my chest as i imagine how he must have felt thinking i had given him up the morning after i agreed to spend the rest of my life with him.

i haven't taken my engagement ring off since the night he put it on.

my wallpaper on my phone is still me and ethan.

i tell lucy about her dad every night before bed.

but all this time, ethan believed i had given up on us.

i can't imagine how alone he felt.

there's a knock at the front door and i race to it hoping that it's ethan, but it's noah.

"hey, i forgot my phone" he walks past me, into the kitchen.

"i know" i throw it at him, but it misses him and hits the wall.

"jade!" he snaps, "what the fuck"

"you missed a call from ethan" i state bluntly.

"ethan is dead" he sighs, "should i call gray? or a doctor?"

"don't you fucking dare lie!" i yell, "you let me believe he was dead! you sent him to prison!"

"okay, let me explain" he speaks calmly.

"fuck that i don't want to hear it!"

"the cops came for ethan, he told me not to tell you. he wanted you to move on"

"enough of your bullshit noah! ethan told me what you told him"

"you're overreacting, i done you a favour!"

"you are delusional" i can't stop myself from laughing, "you're so fucking messed up"

"me and you were happy, until ethan came along and fucked everything up! we would still be together if he never messed your head up"

"are you being serious right now?" i stare at him in disbelief, "you really do believe that?"

"of course i do! you're the love of my life"

"you're high right now" i scoff, "you've no idea what the fuck you're talking about"

"i mean it jade. i love you and you know i always have! fuck ethan. you've seen how peaceful life is without him. i promise i'll give you the world, and i'll treat lucy like she's mine. i just want you jade, i want us again. i'll do anything"