accomplice | ethan dolan

thirty five

it's been 3 years since ethan died, and they've been the hardest 3 years of my life. if it wasn't for lucy, i don't think i would've stuck around.

we were young and we fell in love quickly, but i truly do believe ethan was my soulmate.

lucy and i live with grayson and bonnie now and they're amazing with her. grayson really stepped up and became a father figure to her, she adores him.

everyday without ethan is agony and i can't see this pain ever ending.

i still wear his clothes to bed every night, and watch videos of us on my phone until i can fall asleep.

sometimes i read through our old messages.

sometimes it hurts too much.

grayson and bonnie make each other very happy, and they deserve it, but sometimes i can't help feeling jealous of them.

watching them in love makes it more obvious that ethan is no longer here.

we went clean after ethan was murdered, we didn't want to risk our lives anymore.

we still have money left from the bank heists but i got a job so that i wouldn't waste it.

i work as a waitress and i hate it.

i'm miserable.

grayson wants me to quit, but he already pays me an allowance every week. i couldn't accept anymore money off him.

grayson went back to college and finished his accounting degree. it's a well paying job and he's good at it, but he's miserable too.

"mommy!" lucy hugs me as soon as i get in from work.

"hi baby!" i smile lifting her up into my arms, "i missed you" i cover her face in kisses as she laughs.

"just in time for dinner" grayson says as i walk into the kitchen and he's opening a pizza box.

"where's bonnie?" i ask since she usually cooks the dinner.

"she's working late tonight" he tells me, "and this little lady wanted a pizza" he picks lucy up and hands her a slice.

"how was work?" i ask grayson, taking a seat at the table.

"boring" he shrugs, "like it was yesterday and like it will be tomorrow"

"i never thought i'd complain about my life being normal" i scoff.

"how did we end up here?" he sighs.

"karma, probably" i mutter while kicking off my shoes.

"who's karma mommy?" lucy asks with a mouthful of pizza.

"a very mean witch" grayson answers her before i do, "i hope you never meet her"

"why?"

"because she'll eat all your pizza!" he starts tickling her as she erupts in laughter.

the door bell interrupts them and lucy runs to open it.

"mommy noah's here!" she calls from the door bringing him into the kitchen.

i think he's back on drugs, but i don't really care to help anymore.

noah's been good to me and lucy since ethan died but part of me still blames him for all of this.

he was the reason we robbed the changrettas diner, resulting in them kidnapping me for revenge.

he then killed changrettas while he was high, which led to me being shot when i was pregnant and zack being murdered while babysitting lucy.