accomplice | ethan dolan

thirteen

"good morning" ethan smiles as i wake up in his arms.

"morning" i mumble while burying my head into his chest.

"everything okay?" he asks while running his hand through my hair.

"honestly?" i look up at him and he nods, "i woke up around 4am this morning because of an anxiety attack"

"why?"

"because i fell asleep thinking about how happy i've been lately"

"and that's a bad thing because" he trails off.

"i don't get to be happy. something bad always happens to take it away" i admit.

"that's not true"

"it has been the last 18 and a half years of my life" i scoff.

"but now you have me, and i won't let anything bad happen" he assures me.

"don't make promises you can't keep" i mutter.

"i promise i'll try" he kisses the top of my head as we fall into a comfortable silence.

"i want to tell you something" i clear my throat, "but i'm afraid it's going to scare you off"

"it'll take a lot to scare me off" he smirks.

"i killed my dad" i blurt.

"yeah, right" he says sarcastically.

"i'm being serious ethan, but nobody knows except for zack. not even noah"

"and you wanted to tell me?" he asks surprised.

"i judged you before i got to know you, because i knew you had killed before. i seen you as a heartless monster, but the truth is i was no better than you and you've proved me so wrong i just feel really guilty. i'm sorry"

"you don't have to apologise, you didn't know me and you could've been right. you're not a heartless monster and you have nothing to feel guilty for" he says.

"it was an accident, what happened to my dad" i tell him.

"what happened?" he asks, "only if you want to tell me"

"he was an alcoholic, and abusive. he was always arguing with my mom and would hit her a lot. as zack got older he tried to protect my mom but my dad would hit him too" my voice cracks as ethan's arm tightens around me.

"one night he came home really drunk. my mom told him she wanted a divorce and i had never seen him so angry, i thought he was going to kill her. there was so much screaming, i was terrified and just wanted it to end. i pushed my dad down the stairs and he broke his neck" i realise i'm crying when ethan wipes my tears away.

"you probably did save your mom's life" he says.

"no, i did the opposite actually. my mom committed suicide about six months after that, making me and zack orphans at 12 and 16. she left us a note, mostly about how she couldn't go through life on her own" i break down into tears.

i haven't talked about this since i was 12, almost seven years ago.

"my mom was my best friend and she died hating me" i gulp with a lump in my throat, trying to calm down.

"she did not die hating you and you didn't kill her. she chose to take her life because she was mentally ill, zack told me your mom had depression" he admits.

"she was never diagnosed with it, sometimes i think he uses that as an excuse to justify what i did. i ruined our lives"

"you were 12 years old. what happened to your dad was an accident and what happened to your mom was not your fault"

"i'm really sorry" i mumble.

"for what?"

"ruining a good morning, and what could've been a good day"

"you didn't ruin a good morning. i'm glad you got everything off your chest, and the rest of today can be good. what do you want to do?" he asks.

"dye my hair" i smile.

"you don't like it blue anymore?" he frowns.

"i do, but it was noah's idea to dye it blue and it reminds me of him. we've been broken up almost three weeks, i don't want to be reminded anymore"

"then we'll dye your hair" he smiles, "what color?"

"i kind of liked the blonde"

"me too" he smirks, "will we get breakfast on the way" he suggests.

"sounds good" i yawn, "coming for a shower?" i finally get out of bed.

"let's go" he says picking me up and carrying me over his shoulder to the bathroom.

after almost an hour, we're out of the shower, dressed, and ready to go.

"are you going out?" zack asks as i come into the kitchen.

"yeah i won't be long" i shrug, grabbing my car keys.

"one of those stacks is yours" he points to the money on the table, "but we have to clean it"

"how much did we make?"

"45 grand" he says, "9 grand each"

"shit, that's a lot" ethan states coming into the kitchen.

"ready to go?" i ask ethan and he nods, "i'll be home soon" i kiss zack on the cheek before leaving.

"be safe!" he yells after me.

there was a few news story's about the bank robbery but nothing that would lead police to us, so it looks like we're in the clear.

ethan and i get breakfast before going to the hairdressers, and even though i was planning on dying my hair blonde i decide to dye it black.

"what do you think?" i ask ethan as we're coming out of the hair salon.

"beautiful" he smiles, "you ready to make the rest of today a good day?"

"what were you thinking?"

"dinner? an arcade? the zoo?" he suggests, "whatever you want to do" he takes my hand as we walk back to my car.

"all of them" i smile excitedly.