Corruption Point [4]

The Power Of Words

"I'm only human"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's strange isn't it, the fact that we allow other people to affect us, that we allow their words become a part of shaping who we are; that if they judge us or question us, we begin to question and judge ourselves too. We begin to question who we really are, why we dress the way we do, why we act the way we act; and then suddenly we're not quite ourselves anymore, rather we are what people want us to be.

The words people tell us, make us remold who we are, because all we ever wanted to do was to fit in, to have friends, to be like everyone else, to be recognized, to be noticed, to be loved. And then you're finally seen, people finally begin to see you, they've finally recognized you, you've stopped being left out, and now you finally feel like you belong.

Yet there is a heavy price to pay when you change yourself to suit the crowd, for then you lose yourself, it's okay you tell yourself, I have friends, I fit in, I finally belong, it doesn't matter what I've lost, because I've gained so much.

But not everything last forever and they start to whisper, talk behind your back, rumors flying from north to west, people point and laugh, you start not being invited to things, and they stop hanging out with you.

All the sudden you're back alone, back to square one, with no one or nothing left, because you can't even remember who you were before them, and that's because before them you felt like nothing, and now where do you start when only destruction surrounds you. How do you build on a broken structure?

Now here you stand and everything that was once so perfect is no more, you've lost everything including your identity, and now you're just lost, and roaming, hoping to be found, hoping someone sees you and remembers, but you've become invisible to all, they have forgotten you, as if you never existed.

Maybe if you pretend that you're fine everything will rebuild by itself and they'll come back to you, and forget why they ever left you in the first place; and then the pain will disappear and you will forgive and forget what they have done, and just have your friends back; but that's a fantasy, an unrealistic hope, because what has been said has been done and they can't take it back, their words hit hard and their ignorance made you disappear.

They were never your friends, they lied to you and played you like a simple game, sure you were happy but how much of it was real, and compared to the pain you feel now was it worth it you ask yourself or am I just insane? It feels as if your heart has been torn into a million pieces and it feels as if life itself has stopped because you've lost everything you ever had.

Days have past, week after week, you begin to rebuild yourself; reminding yourself of who you were before the lying began. You stick to that person, the person that you are and keep on growing, ignoring the rest of the world and the judgements of other people who claim that they know you and want to be your friends. Finally ignoring what other people think you being to strive as who you truly are.

You haven't lost yourself since that day, but you have been deceived and tricked too many times, that you're scared to make friends worried that they will betray you. There's nothing to do but to take the risk, other people can only control us if we let them, and if we let their words affect us.

So I'll stay who I am as I love every part of myself, and if you can't handle that then I don't think we were meant to be friends. So much pressure, so much hope, so many times when they made me cry and not smile or laugh, so many times questioning why, what have I done to them for them to exclude me, was I not pretty enough, did they not like me, what have I done wrong, why did they suddenly hate me?

I was hoping that one day I'd find my friends who would become my best friends for life. True friends are the ones that will lift you up when no one else has noticed that you've ever fallen, they'll notice, they'll care, I need someone like that, I hope to find someone like that, I hope to find a true friend. You know what I realized today. I realized what true friends are and what just friends are.