Wait...Humans Need Air, Right? (Merstuck! DirkJake Fanfic)

5. Awkward Conversation

"I have absolutely no friggin' idea."

Jake was nervous. He tried not to show it but he wasn't very good at that. After all, who would be after talking to a MERMAN? Other than other merpeople, of course.

Dirk smiled kindly. "Well, what do you talk about with your friends?"

"Uh, well, I never r-really had any friends," Jake stuttered nervously as he continued to cut the ropes.

Dirk frowned and asked, "Why? You seem pretty nice."

"Well, I kinda grew up alone on an island with just my family, so there wasn't really any chance of me meeting anyone."

"Tell me about your family."

"There isn't much to tell, really; it was always just my younger sister, Jade, my Grandma, and I. We all lived alone on an island, until not that long ago, when my Grandma decided that it would be a good idea for us to move, so Jade and I could get some friends."

Dirk nodded slowly, and jumped in surprise when one of the ropes released him a little bit more from under him, as Jake had finished cutting that rope.

Jake, not wanting any awkward silence, questioned, "Well, what about you. What about your family?"

"M-my family?"

Jake nodded.

Dirk sighed. "Well, there used to be three of us; my brothers, Bro and Dave, and me. My parents left when Dave and I were really young, so Bro raised us. Then, one day, he said he was going out to settle some 'unfinished business', but he never came back. So I raised Dave from there. We're pretty good, other than the extremely rare run in with he law."

"Why do you get in trouble with the law?" Jake asked nervously, pausing mid-rope-cut. He whispered, "Did you kill anyone?"

"No, no, don't worry, we never killed anyone and we don't plan to," Dirk reassured. "It's never for bad things; We just sometimes see a small crime, like a thief stealing something or maybe someone started a fight involving a knife, so we, usually 'I' though, try and fix it ourselves before the authorities show up. And usually, we're able to settle shit down before they get to the scene of the crime."

"'Usually'?"

"Well, today the royal guards caught us mid-fight and took us to-" Dirk shuddered in fear at the thought of- "the Queen's Palace."

Jake finished sawing through another rope (there were only a few left) and stared at the merman with curiosity. "From your reaction, I'm assuming the Queen's Palace is a pretty bad place to be.

The merman nodded. "Unless you're a noble, the princess, or the Queen herself, yes, yes it is. She has all these rules, and pretty much all crimes are punishable by death. That includes 'fighting with another merperson'."

Jake's eyes widened and he once again stopped mid-saw.

Dirk chuckled at his expression. "No, don't worry, I'm fine. I'm friends with the princess, and she's usually able to get the innocent, and her friends, out of these situations. She wasn't able to save the thief though. I assume his being executed as we speak. Poor guy. Probably just needed an extra sand-dollar or two."

The human nodded, making a mental note to be scared shitless of this Queen of his. Queen=Death. That isn't so hard to remember, is it?

"Your Queen sounds like a bitch."

"That's because she is."

"Wow, that sucks."

"It really does."