Prisoner

Thirteen

Love is a strong word and 'in love' is a strong phrase, both of which are far too overused yet far too underused. Louis' not sure if he's ever been in love. He knows what love feels like. He loves his dad, he loves Niall, and his sister.

He feels the ache in his heart when he thinks of Harry. The one that isn't painful but rather like the feeling is so heavy, it puts pressure on it. He feels the butterflies in his tummy and the tingles in his fingers, all of which he didn't really think existed. But is that love?

Louis thinks, while laying with Harry for the second day in a row, talking about things like what existence itself is, that maybe it is.

"But if space is always expanding, doesn't it have to expand into something?" Harry asks.

"Wait. Yeah."

"Also you know how like we have a conscious right? Well what would there be if existence wasn't a thing? If nothing existed?"

"I think of a black void," Louis responds.

"But that's a black void. Not nothing. There can't ever be nothing but because we're aware of consciousness, there has to be total unconsciousness. Like how without light there isn't dark and if only one existed we would know that there's anything else."

Louis runs what Harry said over in his head a few times. "Right. Like if total unconsciousness didn't exist, we wouldn't be aware of consciousness at all."

"But wait-what about how like if you have an apple or something, there isn't an opposite."

"No apple. We know what it feels like to not have an apple in our hands but if we always had an apple in our hands, we wouldn't know what no apple felt like."

"But we can think of like what if we didn't have a hand," Harry says, genuinely thinking very deeply about it.

"Because there is such thing as no hands. Some people don't have hands. If we lived in a universe where no hands wasn't a thing, we'd be unaware, but everything exists. It's like how we know shrimp can see colors we can't, yet we can't imagine those colors no matter what," Louis explains, almost too easily.

"I feel like you think about this a lot," Harry says, barely being able to keep up.

"Oh I do," Louis answers, drawing a rocket ship with his finger on Harry's chest.

"Hey," Harry says, rolling over so that they're both laying on their sides facing each other. "I'm glad you exist"

Louis smiles, the excited and happy type of tingles running through his body. "I'm glad you exist too, Harry."

"Well you better enjoy it while it lasts," Harry says. He says it in a playful way but it still makes Louis' heart hurt.

"Stop, I'll cry," Louis says, half jokingly.

"Don't. Wait, can you reincarnate into a star?" Harry asks.

"Uh, I think so but I couldn't tell you for sure."

Harry nods. He grabs Louis' hand and intertwines their fingers. "Okay, how about this, after I'm gone, go outside and the first star you see, that will me me, okay?"

Louis gives another smile, the idea ripping his heart apart, both in a good and bad way. He really does feel his throat start to knot this time and when he speaks it comes out a little broken. "Okay."

He's not really sure why the universe would be so cruel. Putting Harry in his life like this. Making him fall so hard, so fast. It's torture.

Louis stares at Harry, neither saying anything for the moment, both just trying to soak up as much of it as they possibly can.

"You're really pretty, you know," Harry says, breaking the quietness.

"So are you. Maybe not pretty, that's more soft, isn't it? Beautiful, maybe."

Harry's gaze shifts down to Louis' lips and back. Louis notices this and instinctively does the same. Neither try and fight it as they both drift closer together, the already small space between them becoming nonexistent.

As their lips collide, Louis shifts so that he's propped up on one elbow as his other hand rests gently on Harry's jawline. The kiss grows deeper as they move so that Harry's sitting up and Louis' straddling his lap.

The whole time Louis just can't get enough. It's intoxicating, really. His head feels dizzy, it's a high, but at the same time Louis can't help but letting the thought of it not lasting forever slip it's way into his mind.

It's a long kiss, a good kiss. One that Louis thinks is probably is best, but that could just be because he cares about Harry way more than anyone else he's ever kissed before. He can feel the desperation in Harry, how long has it been for him?

It's a good kind of desperation, the kind that causes Louis to feed off of it, probably giving just as much as Harry is. Passion and desperation mixed together creates one hell of a combination.

After a little while there's a few short kisses at the end before they pull away, Harry's eyes open after Louis', slowly almost as if he's waking up from a dream.

Louis smiles, not being able to resist it. "I liked that," he says.

Harry smiles back, his heart probably beating just as fast as Louis' as his hands are draped around his waist. "Yeah, me too."

Louis climbs off of Harry and sits beside him, resting his head on Harry's shoulder, Harry resting his on top of Louis' in return.

"I really don't deserve you," Harry says.

"That's not true, and you deserve so much more too," Louis tells him. He wishes there was a way to make Harry feel the way he does when he says these things. To feel how much he truly believes it.

"I can't believe that it happened you know? Like what are the odds?"

"Of me coming here and being assigned to you?" Louis asks. Harry nods, Louis feeling his hair brush along with the movement. "I don't know."

"Honestly, part of me wishes it didn't," Harry says, but before Louis can sit up he continues. "For your sake. For me, I get to have you until the day I die, literally. You, you have to deal with the aftermath."

"I'm okay with it. I'm not gonna act like I'm not going to be sad or anything. It'll affect me for sure, but it's okay," Louis says, trying to assure Harry.

"You say that, and I don't doubt that you're strong enough and stuff, it's just like the fact that you have to be sad at all, you know?"

"I mean, there's nothing you or I can do about it now. I like you, I'm pretty sure you like me, and that's all there is to it. We just are in a very unfortunate circumstance."

Harry sighs. "I guess, yeah. Maybe one day you can come be a star with me."

Louis gives a sad chuckle. "I wouldn't want anything else."

———
A/N: super short ik but I'm happy with the progression. Anyone who's read Lure (which if you haven't go do that pretty please) knows that this is moving much faster

I know with Lure it was kind of repetitive which I'm going to try and avoid in this one but like Harry's in prison and I don't really have any room to expand like the different settings but I'm gonna try my best to keep it interesting. All constructive criticism is very welcome and appreciated :)