Prisoner

Twenty two

Three weeks. Three weeks until Harry's execution date.

Louis' cried almost every night the last week, and tonight is no different. His tears wet his pillow case as they fall from his eyes and down his face. He doesn't try and stop it. He knows he can't.

His heart breaks more and more everyday. It hurts so bad to not be able to be with him at the prison all the times, and to have to leave him alone at that horrible place awaiting his own death. Harry doesn't deserve this.

Louis' gone over everything in his head. He's tried to think of ways to get Harry out of it, any way at all, but nothing will work. He's talked to his dad about the more legal and serious aspects of the case, but he always says it's not going to happen because of reasons Louis can't remember. He tunes it out.

That sadness is not only taking his happiness away but it's taking everything else away with it. He hasn't been eating all that much lately, as his appetite is just not there anymore.

Also, he's gotten behind on his laundry and his dishes are almost all in the sink. He hasn't done anything on the weekends with his friends either. He just doesn't want to. All he wants to do is see Harry.

You'd think seeing him everyday would be enough but it's only for two hours at the very most and that's pretty rare. For five days a week? That's really not much.

Louis genuinely has thought about going with Harry. He hasn't thought about how, but he's thought about it. He knows it's selfish. To want to leave his dad and sister for Harry, but part of him doesn't care. He's not sure if he wants to live his life if it's not with him.

He said he wouldn't let this tear up his life but now, Louis' not so sure if he can stand by his word anymore. It's already started, really. He's becoming more and more depressed as time goes on and he just can't stop it.

Louis' thought about how Harry must feel. To know he only has three weeks left. To have to lay in bed and think about what will happen when he's gone. It's got to be so scary. Louis' terrified just thinking about Harry imagining it so he can't even begin to comprehend how it must feel to actually be in Harry's place.

He's not sure if he'll even have anymore tears left to cry after this is all over. Louis knows Harry would want him to be strong but maybe...he doesn't want to. Maybe Louis just wants to fall into the void-and not the good one they've talked about.

It hurts, it really does. All he wants is for him and Harry to be able to love each other without any worries. To be able to have more than three weeks.

That's all.

———

"Harry I just can't deal with it," Louis says.

Harry kisses the top of his head and pulls him closer into his side. "It's okay, Lou. It'll all be okay."

Louis breathes in Harry's sent as if it's the last time he ever will be able to. He holds him like it's the last time he'll ever be able to and he feels his heart beat like it's the last time he'll ever be able to. He savors every second he has with Harry because there's only so many left.

"It won't be though. I can't do this. I thought I could but I can't."

Louis' honest when he tells Harry this. He really is starting to second guess himself. He can feel his mental state deteriorating as they speak. The thought of losing Harry makes him want to crawl into a hole and never come out. The feeling of darkness and sorrow swallow him whole anytime he lets himself surrender to the heartache.