Horse farm and a traumatized Shinichi (Shinkai)

Chapter 9

He wasn't yet sure, but how he said it made him just think about one person...

"I-is it m-my d-dad?"

He was a therapist, but at that time he wasn't willing to talk to him or anyone he knew. Now he regretted it and he felt horrible as he knew he worried everyone.

"Yup and he was instantly willing to make a session. Usually, it wasn't family members who do therapy sessions but I thought it would make it easier for you."

It was better for him for sure, and he knew that his father was one of the best out there in Japan. His mother was the one who wrote books and helped out the police many times with cases.

(Hehe, reverse in this his mother is a writer.)

"Y-yeah, I k-kind of b-blocked everyone o-off when t-they tried to get me t-to talk."

The former Kid and the detective had eye contact.

"That makes sense now. And I was wondering why you didn't go to your father. Try to take it easy. Wait here for a moment."

With this Kaito disappeared and leave him with Saguru, who let out a sigh.

"I am sorry, I hope I didn't overstep my boundaries. I just couldn't let that one go, because you are like Kaito."

He smiled softly now towards the other, who looked surprised at this.

"No, it's a-alright. You w-were right, and I a-am the one wh-who should apologize t-to everyone who I b-blocked off because of o-of this."

It was now a thing he regrets dearly and he felt horrible for doing this. That they didn't give up on him meant a lot and he was so glad having friends like this.

"Kaito was the same and blocked everyone off as soon as his family tried to talk to him or friends. One day I had enough and called him out on his behavior. Soon afterward he went to get himself help."

Saguru looked so sad right now, and his voice soft. Shinichi could tell that the other still was sometimes worried about Kaito. He let out a sigh and stifled a yawn. God, was he tired and wanted to sleep. Kaito came soon afterward back with a block and a pen.


"Here, you can write in there."

He gave a nod and smiled slightly. Afterward, the two left for now, and he walked up and began to write.

Warning mentioning of Rape and experiments. When you are not good with these things don't read this part.

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So not sure where to start. Three years is a long time. That place was hell and so many bad things had happened there.


He paused as he let out a sigh. Maybe he should write a story? Or maybe he should write in a poetic way? Nah, he never was someone who wrote it in a story way. Maybe he should just write what was on his heart, as well what was on his mind...

So I guess I start why I am not comfortable with females. There was one, she has blond hair and blue eyes. She came after a while, and I don't really know what to tell so that is why I am not going around the bush. Usually, she was doing experiments with the typical ones which were usually injecting stuff. I found out because of this my healing approved sometimes somewhere around when they started to inject stuff into me. It was painful and my body felt on fire, it just felt so horrible. So painful...

That was why they could do so many of them. It wasn't just that, but as well as torture. In the beginning, it was because I talked back. I know dumb idea right? Which I regretted now. That is one of the reasons why I am stuttering and being insecure that I could get punished. Anyway, I am trailing off there. I survived because of my body managing to heal quicker. I am sure that the doctors know about this, and I feel like a freak. I am not normal anymore....

The female was the worst of the people he had met there. I have to get it out, but I can't talk about it. The fear is making it impossible. Just trying to talk about it makes me lose my voice. My throat tightens and it ends in me having a panic attack. I am not sure that I will ever manage to talk about it. That is why I am writing here. Maybe it will work? At least it is easier to write on paper than talking. I won't write precisely at what she has done to me, but I can give one word which makes it obvious...rape. That is all that is needed to write after all I asked her to stop, but she never did. She continued and the worst was she has not stopped with the first time it happened many times. That many times that I can't even count anymore. Each time I hated it and I get just anxious seeing females.

Shinichi was like in a trance-like state, writing everything that was on his heart. Every feeling everything that was on his mind.

It didn't end there, as it went that far that she used mind games on me. Mind games which destroyed every inch of confidence I had left. The stuttering was coming because of her as well being scared to talk to a stranger. As it could be that they could harm me in any way, that they would do the same things then she has done to me. I am pretty sure that it was mostly her fault that I am can't even talk about it. Just the thought alone makes me shudder and I feel so lost, so hopeless. I tend to get nightmares and I just can't handle them anymore. I sometimes want to run away far away, from everything. I just want it to stop, want the nightmares to stop, want the pain to stop. Sometimes I feel like I am back at the beginning. And I hate it so much...

He swallowed and put the pen down, knowing that this was enough for today. Shinichi felt lighter now. It felt like a weight was lifted up and he felt lighter now. It was a good idea, at least he knew that it would be better then him talking about it. Talking won't work right now, but maybe in the future, he could finally talk about the three years.

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I hope you enjoyed it and I hope to see you in the next chapter. A happy new year. God is the time flowing. I hope last year was a good one for you. For myself it was meh and I trying to stay positive that 2020 better is.  ^~^