Dear Diary , it's me Winona

Fighting with myself (Part 2)

Nov.26th, 2015

11:00 p.m.

Dear Diary, It's me Winona,

I feel so lost right now. So empty. Why is this happening to me? Why? Just when I wanted to tell him how I feel. I feel like my heart is about to break in half. I want to cry, I want to scream. It all hurts so much. I never thought that it's going to be so hard, but it is. This thought. The knowledge of him liking another. He is in love with her. And she... She sounds perfect. She's nice and fun and she has the most beautiful smile. She makes him happy.I just can't believe that I didn't get a chance to tell him how I feel. Maybe if I wouldn't be so scared to admit my feelings faster, maybe he wouldn't find this perfect girl. Cara was right! I acted like a fucking high school girl and now I have to face the consequences. I want to get drunk. I want to forget about everything that happened tonight, but before I do that let me just tell you what happened.

We began filming around 7:30 in the morning. I was exhausted from previous night and so was Cara. She didn't say it, but I know she was a little bit mad at me for calling her so late at night.

- Hey Cara. I'm so sorry for waking you up last night. It's just that I.. I had no one else to talk to. This whole thing is just too much for me. - I said as we were both sitting in the dressing room getting our make up ready for the scene.

- It's okay sweetheart - Cara said - I know it's hard on you, but remember one thing. It's going to be better for you if you admit it now. You have to tell him how you feel otherwise this feeling is going to kill you inside.

- I know. I will tell him today. I'm just so scared. What if he doesn't feel the same way about me? What if he's not gonna want to be friends with me anymore? Cara, I can't lose his friendship. It would be too much for me.

- Noni, you're not going to lose his friendship. Trust me. I've seen the way he looks at you girl and all I can tell you is that he clearly has a crush on you too. - when Cara said that I blushed. Does he really have a crush one me too?

- Listen, today Ross and Matt are planning to have a cast night out. Just try to enjoy it and find the right time to tell him. If something goes wrong I will be there in case you need me, okay? - Cara comforted me. - Now Let's go and film that scene. The Duffers said that they want to finish filming by 6 today. - The stylist finished out our make up and we were ready to go.

***

- Okay guys so where do you all wanna go today? - Ross asked us all as we finished filming. It was around 6. We were all tired and starving.

- I know this great bowling place. It's 10 minutes away from here and they have great food. Anyone up for a bowling match? We can divide into teams? - I suggested.

- That's a great idea. Yes, I love bowling. How about we do boys vs. girls competition. What do you all say? - Matt said excited.

- Don't you think it's a little bit unfair to girls?I mean, you know... - Joe said sarcastically.

- Are you saying that girls can't win against boys? - Millie asked offended. - Bring it on Kerry. We girls are gonna kick your sorry butts, right Noni?

- That's right. - Millie and I gave each other a high five.

- Ugh, women - Joe raised his eyebrows as he looked at David. They both laughed.