Dear Diary , it's me Winona

You're hot when you get Jelouse

Dec. 22, 2015

8:00 a.m

Dear Diary it's me Winona,

So,yesterday the filming got cancelled so we had a day off. I was all alone in my apartment. No one to talk to. No one to hug. No one to cuddle with. We had always spend time together on our days off and now David was gone. I know it's been only 2 days since I haven't seen him, but it feels like eternity.

I know he's mad at me. Why wouldn't he be? I gave him every reason to hate me. I can still see his face full of disappointment. I can still hear his voice full of anger: What are you so afraid of Noni? Man, these words will hunt me forever.

But really, what am I so afraid of? Am I afraid of sharing an apartment with a guy I love? Am I afraid of the fact that I would wake up every morning next to him? Am I afraid of the fact that we would be together all the time? What am I afraid of? I should've said yes. I wanted to say yes. I will never forgive myself for saying no to him.

Today we will be filming scenes together. I don't even wanna know how bad it's going to be. How are we going to pretend on set. Is he going to make it hard on me? I mean, he's furious so it's definitely going to be awkward. I just hope that this will not affect our work. The Duffers worked their asses off for this show and I don't want to ruin that for them. We have to act like professionals and keep our private life away from the set.

Oh Dear Diary, I just hope that he forgives me. I want him back so bad. I want to feel his touch again. I want to hug him and kiss him.
I want to tell him that I do want to move in with him. I want to tell him that last time I was not thinking straight, but now I am more than certain about everything. Certain about us. I had to lose him in order to really understand how much I love him.

6:30 p.m (after filming in my trailer getting ready)

I can't believe he's doing this to me. He hadn't say a word to me the whole day, well except for when we were saying our lines during filming. He's treating me like I don't exist. Why is he torturing me like that? Do something! Be mad at me!Yell at me!Be fucking pissed at me, but don't pretend like I'm not here! The silence is killing me. Just two days ago we were making out in my apartment and now he acts like we are a pair of strangers? You know, I understand that I hurt him, but that doesn't give him a right to treat me like I'm invisible.

During our break I saw him talk and laugh with some girl. I was by the coffee machine getting some for me and Cara and they were standing just few feet away. She works on set. I think some kind of a costume/ make up person or something. Ugh long blond hair, young. I guess you can say pretty. They looked like they were having a good time together. Well, David is moving on fast. - I thought to myself. I can't believe he's looking at other girls already. I mean we didn't even officially break up and he's already flirting with some blonde bitch.

While having a conversation she was doing that touch. You know that cute innocent arm touch that every girl does when flirting with a man. I felt like I'm gonna explode there. I felt all the anger and all the jealousy. I wanted to go up there and give them a piece of my mind. But I couldn't. No one on set except for Joe and Cara know that we are dating. I couldn't make a scene there.

- So, are you free tonight? - I overheard her ask.

-Ummmm - he hesitated as he looked my way.
- Yeah I am.- I cannot believe he did that. I can't believe he has a gut to make plans with some new girl right in front of my eyes.

- That's good. Maybe we can grab some coffee after work. What do you think?

- Sounds good - he added. I just took the two mugs from the table and made my way out. I wanted to cry. He's going out with her. What am I supposed to do now?