The Value of Worth | Sanders Sides Hogwarts AU

_.|Fifteen|._

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Roman marched down the hallways of the dungeons near the potions classroom with defiance. The flare in his heart, ignited by his anger and belief that he was only worth getting Gryffindor tie and not anything or anyone else. Though his heart ached, confused, bashful, and needy, he followed its cries. All except its guilty plea for the crying boy Roman left in there shared dorm. Meanwhile, Roman's head wished for him to return to the dorm as well, only without a tie and apologize immediately.

He despised this voice, for some reason, it echoed Virgil's, with the same sound and tone with the harshness of Logan's. Roman thought of it as the enemy, He never listened to his head, he believed everything it ever caused him to do was a sin. Scratch that, everything he ever had done in his life he believed was a sin. Roman beloved he wasn't worth Virgil's love, or the love he had for him, he didn't believe he was worth anything but becoming who he wanted to be so he could be worthy. So the universe could value him in the way that he had forever wished.

Walking to the main floor of Hogwarts could have been done easily by walking the opposite way Roman had marched towards the basement of the kitchens, with its golden railing and marble steps. Though, to be discrete, Roman had followed an alternate, strategic course. One that allowed him to be unseen as he tried to retrieve the tie from the Gryffindor common room, or, if that didn't work, the nearest boy's bathroom. His ambitions for his heart outweighed all else, and went far beyond the train tracks of reality. His longing for Virgil, and to be who he believed he deserved to be, or rather, who he thought he always was, were a part of that ambition. The ambition that ultimately caused him to be in the situation without an identifiable cause, in his mind at least.

Roman approached a narrow, suffocating, cobblestone staircase with rocky wooden steps that led to the main concourse of the castle, near the main stairwell. The long, cold staircase was where Roman stopped is marching before looking back once, and continued his long journey. He ran through the mental map of the castle in his mind, knowing that he had to go up and then make a left to approach the tower of silent dreams.

Roman started to ascend, marching up the case while skipping every other step, the fire in his roll-step apparent as the sound of a faint tap on the rotting wood echoed through the near-tunnel. He noticed the draft coming from the main floor that blew downwards through the narrow hall. He decided that it felt good, and calmed down the fire in his chest and the breath that he was starting to run out of at that point once he met the halfway point of the gradual slope that was the staircase.

Roman stopped halfway up, looking up and down, imagining all that could take place there. All that he wanted to take place there. All that his heart envisioned would happen there, or, just pleaded to happen there to fill the void of unhappiness. Or, to achieve the satisfaction he hadn't felt in years.

He looked five steps up from where currently stood, fantasizing holding onto Virgil's leg, pulling it spa round his waist as he held him close, kissing him passionately before they were late for a meal or meeting in the Great Hall, or Quidditch game. The smirk he longed to see on Virgil's face flooded into his mind. He turned back down the stairs, questioning whether to go back or not.

He pushed it away, looked back up the stairs, and started to run up each step with force, as if he were trying to run out of the cave of guilt he forever drowned himself in for his every action.

Roman's mind was left blank once he looked up at the hall. The directions quickly came to him as he saw the fat lady's portrait on the hall, four floors up. He walked to the first staircase on the landing he stood on, running up the stairs quickly as it changed its course. He sighed, jumping onto the staircase he planned on climbing up next from the one he stood on, nearly falling off the side into the marble floor. Letting out a sigh of relief, he looked around him, only a few more detours to go.