Unimaginable || Luke Brooks *under editing*

• Chapter 30 •

"I can't eat and I can't sleep. I'm not doing well in terms of being a functional human, you know?"
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I didn't even got a minute of sleep. Whole night, I've been thinking about Luke and I wanted him to be okay. I don't know if you've ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not exist. Or just not be aware that you do exist. Or something like that. I think wanting that is very morbid, but I want it when I get like this. That's why I'm trying not to think. I just want it all to stop spinning. I want this mess I've made to be cleaned up and gone forever. I went to bed and woke in the middle of the night thinking I heard someone cry, thinking I was it and I felt my face and it was dry. I've cried enough tears to see my own reflection in them. There aren't any more tears left.

Luke. I've never forgotten him. Dare I say I miss him? I do. I miss him. I still see him in my dreams. They are nightmares mostly, but nightmares tinged with love. Such is the strangeness of the human heart. I still cannot understand how he could abandon me so unceremoniously, without any sort of goodbye, without looking back even once. The pain is like an axe that chops my heart.

Piece by piece, I slowly fade away, I slowly drift apart.

I quickly jumped up and noticed I wasn't even in my pajamas. I was a total mess. I quickly slipped on my shoes and while doing that, I dialed his number and tried any possible ways to contact him. I walked out of my apartment and had no idea where to start from here. I breathed in the cold air, feeling a bit relaxed but I soon tensed up as I felt some raindrops. Oh how I missed the rain. I loved the rain, nobody could see me crying. So I just easily could be myself. But I have to go find Luke. I didn't saw him without a reason. But I hoped it was. I didn't wanted to loose him like this.

I started running an unknown direction. Luke could be anywhere. As I looked for him, at his house, the park, his little place where he always comes, even Jai's house, it started to rain harder.

My pain soon filled with worries. I needed to find him. I looked in several stores and cafés, gaining no succes. "Luke!" I shouted out while turning and tossing around. "Luke! Fuck! Where are you?" People were giving me glares but they could fuck off. "Luke!" Shouting his name was pointless. He wouldn't appear out of nothing.

Suddenly, a curled haired boy on the other side of the street caught my attention. I started running to him, ignoring all the people. "Luke! Thank God-" I immediately wrapped my arms around him, but he quickly turned around and I looked up, it wasn't Luke but some kind of stranger. "Oh I'm so-" I took some steps back and started running away. I could just hear the unknown boy scoffing but I didn't mind.

It started raining heavily and I was all soaked wet now. My hair had been attached to my face and in front of my face. My hands were super cold, so was I.

There wasn't any sign of Luke. And that meant, that not only he was missing, but also a part of me.

I walked to my old cafe, 'Coffee and Bagels', seeing it like new. There was a picture of Joan with some flowers and pearls around it. They obviously missed her, so did I. Jai killed her. Jai killed almost everybody. And himself.

People were working like it was a normal day. It was a bit busy. This place brought back so many memories. This was the place where Luke and I first met.

I sat down at the place where Luke sat. I put up my hand.

"Hello, can I take your order?" A blond haired girl asked. "I don't fucking know it yet?" I snapped at her, just like Luke did to me. "Excuse me, miss. I thought-" "Ugh just go away, Ellen" I read on her name card and she shrugged her shoulders while walking away.