Walk slowly (edited)

Chapter 12

Mark took the suitcase in my hand and I just let him do it. Mark then walked quickly to the spacious area which has a main elevator. I was not happy moving to this new house and my heart felt uneasy today to remain alone together with him in his palace with Jiyeon’s memories.

When the elevator closed, Mark pressed the number twenty. Twenty? My heart grew even more uneasy. Yes, I’m afraid of heights. I closed my eyes tightly. My head started to feel dizzy in the elevator.

“Hey, what happened?”

I opened my eyes again when I heard Mark’s question. I looked at Mark’s face. Our eyes meet for a moment. Should I explain to him why my eyes closed suddenly? Alas, my heart did not allow me to explain anything. If I’m willing to admit why, I’m sure he would not be bothered about it. So why would I share something about myself with him? Surely, he's not interested to know.

I shook my head, as I did not answer with words, rather, I just gave him a definite signal that he understood clearly. Ever since I became his ‘wife’, I could count how many words came out of my mouth. My lips became reluctant to talk, since I'm worried if my words would only cause unease in his heart.

All the large bags that Mark held were put in the corridor. Mark then entered the password before twisting the bronze knob. When the door was wide open, I was amazed to see a home space that can be seen clearly from the outside door. I was stunned for a moment at the door. The interior was nice and neat. It’s really amazing. Although I’m impressed, I also felt tears prick my eyes. Purple! There's tons of that color that climbed the walls of his house. Everything was for Jiyeon! From the information I got about Jiyeon, it turns out that Mark liked purple because it was Jiyeon's favorite color.

“Why are you still standing there? Come in.”

My thoughts turned down by the sound of Mark’s voice, who was staring up at me from inside the house. So I immediately stepped into the penthouse.

“No need to be shy, this is our house…” Mark spoke again.

“Our house?” I intentionally questioned him.

I wanted to hear the answer that came out of his mouth, because I already know that this penthouse was actually bought specially for Jiyeon.

“Yeah, our house. Why? Don’t you like it?”

“If I said I do not like it, are you willing to sell this house and buy a new house for me?”

“Nonsense! I’m not crazy to sell this house. This house is the only memory I have left about Jiy…” Mark did not finish his words. He later sighed.

I was hurt for a moment before throwing him a smile, as if I was not offended by the words that I can finish. I don’t know what happened to me. I already knew the truth of what’s inside Mark’s heart through Mrs Tuan, so what more do I want? His confirmation? It will only make my heart hurt more.

“Which one is my room?” I changed my question, opening a new topic and closed the tight painful issue that just added pain to my heart.

Mark looked speechless when he heard my question while staring at my eyes. “Choose any room you like, I’m going out for a moment. Here, take this card. I already typed the house code. Keep it.” As soon as Mark gave me the card, he went straight away out of my sight.

I looked at the card Mark put on my palm. I’m sure that it was this penthouse’s access card. The key that rightly belonged to Jiyeon, I held it tightly with anger and disappointment. I hate to be here, I hate it!

I chose the upstairs room located at the end. Hope peace will always be with me. I do not know which is Mark’s room, for sure, the main room is his. Since arriving here, until now, I've just been confined to this room. I feel really awkward here; every space felt foreign to me. I’m sure this room will be my loyal companion while I am here. The room was empty and there was no furniture in it except a bed and a closet. But it did not matter to me because I prefer not to use items that belonged to Mark.

*****

The watch on my wrist showed eleven o’clock at night when the door I locked was knocked loudly. I heard my name being shouted by Mark several times. That means Mark was back from the destination I do not know. I just stayed silent. Hopefully by then, Mark will assume that I’ve already slept. When eyes were still fresh-fit looked through the window which did not present any beautiful view. I was tired of arguing with him. I’m better off alone; thinking of ways to face anything that will happen in the future.

A moment later, the sound of the knock on the door quietened down. The voice calling my name was also gone. My heart began to feel relieved. But soon after, I was awakened by the sound of my door being open. I immediately looked toward Mark.

“Don’t forget I have all the house keys.” Mark indicated the key that managed to bring him into this room.

I could only look at the key, then I turned around. The window was wide open, I closed it tightly before locking it. Without the slightest regard to Mark that consistently looked at me, I just walked over to the bed.

"Why did you stay in your room all day? You have not eaten anything yet. You really want to fall sick?” Mark started to raise his voice. “You think hiding yourself here can solve the entire problem?!”

Mark’s words made my heart hurt again. He easily said things, placing me in the position of an offender. Now, the distance between me and him only got larger, and I do not see a way that can bring us back to how we used to be back at university.

“We'll not end up like this if you haven't shown up at our marriage ceremony.” I said but it sounded more like I'm whispering.

I didn’t want to be continuously blamed by him. I was already begging him to end this crazy marriage. Why did he still want to destroy his own heart and kill my heart? 

“Oh, so now you blame this entire problem on me huh? If I can’t fall in love with you, that is not my problem, why are you blaming me? If you know that I never loved you, then why don't you do something to make me fall in love with you? For now, don't stay in your room, get out and eat something.” Mark went out, slamming the door after he finished replying to my words.

How could he say that? Two years. I was his fiancé in name for two years. I did everything I could to make his heart mine. But all my efforts were like garbage to him. And now he wants me to keep loving him while my love’s already falling apart?  I know, I have to give him a lesson so that he no longer dared to speak such words.

“You will not be able to fall in love with me forever!” I said slowly, with a teardrop that did not seem to want to stop.

*****

That morning after I finished bathing, I went to the kitchen. I tried to act normal like nothing had happened, even though the scene yesterday still haunts me today. Mark’s words yesterday, also made my eyes refuse to sleep through the night. If given the opportunity, I will certainly give him the best teaching so that he does not continue to hurt me.

There was a note posted on the refrigerator. I stared at the yellow note, my heart already aching.

Outstation!

A word that he wrote on the yellow note continued to add on to my heartache. The word alone was enough to be the hint, that showed where my position was in his heart, that did not hold any importance. With a thousand feels that gripped my soul, I walked into the living room. Perhaps now was the chance for me to show Mark, let him see for himself what was in his heart. Yes, I have to do it soon, before Mark returns, which I, myself, was not sure when.