Summer Vacation

Chapter 17

17

When we finally pulled up to Ricky’s apartment complex, I was exhausted. The two hour drive both ways wasn’t easy on me, and the silence didn’t help. I parked the car and looked warily around for my brother’s Explorer. I didn’t see it so I assumed he wasn’t here. I couldn’t imagine where he would’ve gone, considering he knew we were coming back. I discarded the thought; I really didn’t have the energy to be critiquing how my brother spent his time.

I got out the car and grabbed some of Erica’s stuff. She didn’t speak to me while we both attempted to carry three bags. She was silent as we carried her stuff up four floors. She didn’t say a word once we were inside.

I dropped her stuff off by the door and went to the kitchen. I peeked in the bedroom as I passed it and saw that Ricky wasn’t in there. I shrugged and assumed he’d come back later. I’d stay until he got back so Erica wouldn’t be here by herself.

I went to the small kitchen area and looked out at the window. It was getting dark outside and I wanted to go up to the roof. I couldn’t, but I did open the window to get some fresh air. I turned around when I heard steps behind me.

Erica walked into the kitchen and leaned against the table. I looked at her and wondered how the next few minutes would play out. For a while we just stood there looking at each other. We knew that the problems we were having with each other had to be addressed, but we were trying to see who was going to speak first. It was like an elephant in the room with us just staring at each other. She didn’t look like the best friend I had known and being back at the apartment only reminded me of the situation with Ricky earlier and her lack of trust.

I had so many things I wanted to say to her. A part of me wanted to be her friend the same way I had always been her friend. I wanted to be nice and sweet and dismiss everything like it had never happened.

But this did happen.

I wanted to protect her like I always have, but that wouldn’t work. We aren’t that naïve anymore. We weren’t the little kids we once were, who thought that an ‘I’m sorry’ magically fixed everything and a friendship. We couldn’t go back to the way things used to be, because we know better. The way our friendship is now, isn’t working.

We had to either change it or let our friendship go.

There was no way that we could ever possibly go back to the way things were. Just the fact that I manipulated and forced her back here makes sure of that. And besides that, we aren’t the same people we were just a week ago. The fact that we both have to internally make a decision about whether or not this friendship is worth anything is proof that we’re not the same; because the old versions of us would never have had this problem. It’s ironic because the old versions of us were the complete opposite. It should’ve been Erica coming up with the crazy plan with me shooting it down. This, right here in my brother’s apartment, wasn’t right.

But this is what it was.

I’m not the friend who was going to let her run my life. I had spent far too long rearranging and fitting my life to hers. I’m not her mother; it’s not my job to sacrifice my happiness so that she’s happy and taken care of. I’m her friend; I’m here to be a friend and nothing more. And it’s about time we started acting like it.

I took a deep breath. It was like I was mentally preparing myself for combat and I guess that’s what I was doing. I braced myself and took the first step.

“You’re not going to say anything?”

She just shrugged, “I have nothing to say.”

“Really? After everything today, you have nothing to say?”