✿Bleeding Petals✿ [BakuDeku]

Depression and Obsession

TRIGGER WARNING: this chapter has a mention of suicide and self harm. (itss kind of implied not said directly though)
yes the title is an xxx song. i dont really listen to him but i like the name and it fits
also, im writing this while in full kirishima cosplay. dont. fucking. judge. thanks :)

I felt as if I was going to die of heartbreak. It had been almost two days since was I discharged from the hospital. I haven't been keeping track of the days well but I'm pretty sure it was Friday. I had my appointment in 4 days and honestly, I wasn't sure if I would have the energy to show up.

The past few days have been miserable. I haven't left my house at all. I was supposed to go back to work the day after my discharge and today but I didn't. I didn't even call in sick. My phone was dead and I didn't feel like plugging it in.

My house was a mess. I don't know how since I've barely left my bed. But my mail has been overflowing the floor in front of the door for the past week and I didn't even grab it when I first came into my house from the hospital. It just got pushed away from the front door and forgotten. My trash can is also overflowing a bit. Yesterday I ate like 16 bags of chips throughout the day, leaving most of them scattered around the house. I put about 5 in the garbage but the can was already full to begin with so they just kind of fell out.

On the way home, I stopped by the liquor store and bought about 10 packs of beer, which is the first time I've ever boughten alcohol, so empty brown bottles were also strewn around the house. I'd also taken up smoking, although I knew it wasn't good for me if I wanted to keep my athletic body, but I'd forgotten that ashtrays were a necessity, so cigarette butts and ashes lay all over my coffee table and floors. There were burn marks on the coffee table, as that was where I decided to ash them. When I wasn't smoking or downing a bottle of beer, I was sleeping or vomiting bloody flowers.

Recently I've been coughing petals up without even having to think of Deku. Sometimes, I coughed up just blood, leaving me to believe I was going through my last days. I remembered Kaminari said that you could drown in your own blood. My chest and throat constantly hurt. I felt like I was being cut up from the inside. I'm assuming it was the vines growing inside of me.

Right now I was laying in bed and decided to get up to enjoy my 7th beer of the day. I got out of bed slowly and painfully, surprised that I could even walk. I was starving myself, I haven't eaten anything but chips in the last week, and beer didn't help. Did I care? Fuck no. I knew I was treating my body awfully but I didn't bother to fix that. There was no point. I was going to die anyway, whether I drown in my own blood, overdose on alcohol, or slit my own throat, whichever came first.

I was kneeling on the floor with the fridge open, opening a new beer box, when I heard a knock at the door. I didn't feel like getting it so I just yelled: "Come in!!". My voice came out weird and raspy, still not used to the amount of nicotine I was putting into my body.

I heard the door open as I finally opened the box and grabbed a beer, standing up as more than one pair of feet walked through my house, getting louder with each step. There was a loud thump as something was set down right next to my front door. The sound of plastic bags accompanied the footsteps. Great. It's probably my landlord coming to evict me.

I started to turn around when suddenly a pair of arms grabbed me from behind, wrapping around my waist, a head pressing into my upper back. I tried to push them away but they just tightened their grasp. So instead I turned around, turning them with me. I gasped. Sero, Ashido, Jirou, Deku, and Todoroki were standing in my kitchen. I turned to see who was hugging me. All I could see was a head of golden hair. Kaminari.

Ashido stomped forward and ripped the beer bottle out of my hand. "Katsuki!!" she cried. "What has gotten into you? Since when do you drink?"

"Since Wednesday" I croaked, my voice coming out weird once again.